The Happiness Journal

Sweetening the neem with her song

2010-03-02T10:03:00.001-08:00

Sweetening the neem with her song, originally uploaded by Pixychik.

Growing up in Vizag and then Madras, very hot summers were part and parcel of life, and mom - with her fine adaptive skills that all fauji wives must possess - had learnt to fight the heat as much as one could, without ACs and coolers. It was the 80s, and middle class families like ours had fans, khus curtains, and loose cotton clothes for defence. Not ACs.

Her logic was to fight it more from the inside than the outside - with light and cooling foods - cucumbers, water-melon and gallons of lemonade and buttermilk. AND neem juice. Have you ever had neem juice? It's a death brew. To say it is chokingly bitter is to put it mildly.

But it works. And how! If you know a child that suffers from prickly heat come summer... throw out the useless Nycils, and make them drink 2 spoons of neem juice everyday for a week. The problem will go away. For life.

Meanwhile, in school, year after year, hindi text-books would carry at least one poem about the Koel - singing its sweet song in the summer - waking up the sleepy kids, ripening the mangoes, hurrying up the rain. I don't know if the Koel really did any of that - but the books said they did.

So the other day - spotting a koel in a neem tree - brought back a rush of these sweet memories from the 80s! And told me what I already suspected - the summer is here!

The long road home

2009-12-01T12:13:00.001-08:00

The long road home, originally uploaded by Pixychik.

Smoke on the water?

2009-11-22T21:53:00.001-08:00

Smoke on the water?, originally uploaded by Pixychik.

Mi Monet?

2009-11-03T06:55:00.001-08:00

Baby steps, originally uploaded by Pixychik.

The big splash!

2009-09-22T04:19:00.001-07:00

The big splash!, originally uploaded by Pixychik.

I always wondered how people got these amazing splash photos, not realizing that all I had to do was pick up my camera and grab a towel and get down to it.

4 hours, 400 photos, 1 cup of milk, 1 leaky tap and lots and lots fun later - woohoo! I'm one of those people who got these amazing splash photos!

I'm sure there's a lesson there somewhere... if only I knew what!

Give me a little time, help me clear up my mind...

2009-08-21T22:02:00.001-07:00

Give me a little time, help me clear up my mind..., originally uploaded by Pixychik.

Wet, wet, wet

2009-08-20T20:58:00.001-07:00

A beautiful morning today, originally uploaded by Pixychik.

Yesterday we woke up to find that it had been raining heavily for some hours - maybe since dawn, and later the entire day it was dark, cloudy and cool.

How lovely is that? Elsewhere in the world, they may find rainy days gloomy, but not us. Us? We feel thrilled to bits when it rains. Rain makes us want to drive around in the car and find a little shack serving hot coffee and deep-fried snacks. It makes us want to take off the watches and leave behind the cell-phones and go splashing in the puddles. Sit staring in the balcony. Curl up with a book. Watch a movie. Call in sick at work. Sleep. Rain really makes us happy, lazy and nostalgic.

To me, the strangest memories come back: my initial days in Bombay in 1992. Of all things, it floods my mind with the memory of the opening stains of Amy Grant's Baby Baby - like they used to waft out of homes of those envied few who had "hi-fi" music systems.

Even now, when it rains, I have to listen to that song.

What is your rain ritual?

Today, the sun has risen bright and shiny, and that is lovely too. Though, I do wish it'd rain some more. We do not need the drought.

Worth a 1000 words?

2009-08-18T22:25:00.001-07:00

Dreams in technicolor (Explored # 44), originally uploaded by Pixychik.

If you like the photo, thank you. I took it.

And that is what I want to tell you. That this is the reason I don't blog anymore. I want to, but I can't. Because all that i can think of, obsess with and actually do all the time - is make pictures. Make, not take.

Anyway, so now you know what I do. Will you take a look and tell me if you like what I do? See here for the most popular ones.

Refinition

2009-06-24T09:57:00.000-07:00

Slippers

When you know you've just foot-in-mouthed, and you find yourself insering rather clumsy foghorns into the hastily conjured explanation for an evident faux-pas.

"Slip errr's"

Every runner's random li'll Catch 22

2009-02-19T23:32:00.001-08:00

Headphones make sense because you can enjoy your music without bothering other people, except that when you really do start enjoying your music they inadvetantly make you sing along, which starts bothering other people...

2009-01-27T11:41:00.000-08:00

Like most people, i have never known - like personally known - a child prodigy. Everytime i read about one in the newspaper, or see one on TV, i feel - like anyone would - awed and impressed, but frankly - i don't feel moved or affected. They are so far removed from my reality, so remote - that it never goes beyond being a fantastic piece of news reported with some gusto by the unnecessarily breathless media.

Lately though, I have begun to wonder what it must be like for the family and friends of an extraordinarily gifted child. And the more i think about it, the less convinced i am that it's a fantastic thing.

Imagine being the mother to a baby who at the age of 3 starts rattling off medical terminology -lisp and all - telling you why you should blanch and not saute those greens, or who by age 5, when others kiddos are still struggling to hold their pencils right, expresses the desire to appear for the IIT-JEE or some such. And worse, gets through.

What an emotional roller-coaster for the mom! Sure.. great pride and lots of adulation and all that. Media coverage, fawning relatives, curious neighbours, envious parents at PTA meetings, et cetera. Plus, no worries about having to struggle to get the child to finish the homework and study for the unit-tests and choose subjects in class X and grapple with career advice... blah blah and some more.

But hey, what about the flipside? What about the comforting warmth of the ordinariness of things? What about the satisfaction of being the child's first teacher, of molding the wet-clay-like young mind, inculcating values, etc etc etc? And taking the credit for it. Basking in the glory of bringing up a fantastic person? Feeling like supermom and superdad? What about all the hero-worship and expressions of mommy-knows-best or my-daddy-strongest from the tot?

It must be tough being the parents of a child prodigy - i am conviced of it.

And how do i know, given that i don't have kids of my own? Well, i know because i have a nephew, who isn't even "extraordinarily gifted" - just plain intelligent, and sharp. And everyday, he's becoming more and more impossible for me to hang out with. Oh I love him and all that, but frankly it was easier for me when - till a year ago- he was in class I and i was his very hip and cool aunt who knew a lot about a lot of things.

As it is, he is at the moment - at 6 yrs - at that girl-hating age when he would rather lose his two front teeth (actually he has lost them already) than be caught admitting that he loves me (which he does, by the way!!). Making it worse is the fact that the dude has learnt to read, and browse the internet, and has taken to encyclopedia and all kinds of trivia and GK - like fish to water, egged on by his doting daddy and quiz-afficianado uncle (my dear hubby). The result of it all is that suddenly i'm feeling rather ignorant in front of a 4-foot-something of a brat - which between you and me, i'm not liking at all.

If you're still not convinced of how annoying this can be, sample the following conversation. It happened at his place, yesterday on this 6th birthday.

Little Nephew (LN): Taraa pinni (means auntie) - how many African countries can you name?

Me (unsuspecting, confidently thinking hard): Umm... about 6-7...

LN (shocked, delighted, hands on mouth): That's it? Which ones, which ones?

Me (slightly indignant): Ok, let's see - South Africa, Nigeria, Algeria, Sudan, Laos...

LN (interrupting very loudly): Laos??? Laos is in Asia... !

Me: Of course not! What's wrong with you? It's it Africa. (Turning to hubby) - Hon..?

Hon (dryly): It's in Asia, babes

Me (slightly flushed): Oh? Oh yeah? Is it? Oh. Oh well ok.. anyway...

LN (interrupting, refusing to let go of the Africa topic): Go on, go on... what else?

Me (still indignant): Yeah ok... so where were we? South Africa, Nigeria, Algeria, Sudan... (pauses)...umm... Niger....err.. Ethiopia... and... ummmm.. oh Egypt. Yeah.. Egypt yeah. Aaaanddd...Zimmbaabweee...? (Thinking hard. Then giving up) Umm.. ok that's it. That's 8 - not bad huh?

LN (triumphantly): Hoo.. only 8!! There are totally 53. I'll tell you?

It's not a question. If it were, he would wait for an answer. While i'm thinking thus, he's started rattling off breathlessly

"Albania Tanzania Madagascar Ethiopia Zambia Namibia Kenya Somalia Uganda Cameroon Botswana Mauritius Seychelles Burkina-Faso"

Hubby (interrupts, awed, impressed): Burkina Faso!! Notttt baaaad!

At this point, I'm tapping my fingers on the arm-rest, not quite liking the way this is going. LN's mom decides to be kind and end my humiliation, and tells LN that that would be enough.

LN (singing, running off after a toy engine) - La la la.. Taraa Pinni doesn't know... La la la.

And as i sit there - feeling intensely hot in the face but outwardly laughing off the whole episode, i swear i would go home and study every possible thing that a 7 year old could possibly know.

As you can see, i did read up the African map - to begin with.

But that's the whole point... who the hell wants to be kept on their toes by a broken-toothed, scraped kneed, mop-headed, sunburnt brown little know-it-all? A 2nd grader! Who wants to hear "La la la.. (fill in your name here) doesn't know anything.. la la la"? Not me, surely!

I don't know about you, but i think child prodigies must be a damn pain to live with.

Anyway, gotta go now. For some strange reason, i suddenly feel like studying the map of South America. Tra la la!

2008-11-16T23:01:00.000-08:00

On a Monday when most people are probably grumbling and whining their way to work and begrudgingly starting their day’s work – going through e-mails, lists of things-to-do, meeting-schedules, dreading performance-reviews, unmet deadlines, pending or impending presentations etc etc, I’m sitting in my lovely balcony, cozy in my old sweatshirt, admiring my potted plants – some of which I re-potted first thing this morning – simply because I felt like doing it and because the weather has been awesome with some rain and a sharp plunge in the temperature. I’m sitting here with my cup of hot tea, and every now and then I’m saying brrr… it’s cold! What a delight for someone coming from an always-hot-always-humid Bombay. I don’t know if I said this before, but after resolutely detesting Hyd for many months, I finally gave up some time ago, as the city started feeling like home, and growing on me in spite of myself.
But most of all, I’m sitting, thinking about what a lovely weekend we had, and if I had to, what I would name it. Am undecided on what fits best: the Hitchcock weekend – because I saw three of the most awesome Hitchcock movies (Vertigo, The trouble with Harry, and Psycho), or maybe the alco-weekend because we drank pretty much the whole weekend or if you insist on knowing - on Friday evening, Saturday evening, Sunday afternoon and on Sunday evening (I told you – the whole weekend). So maybe I’ll just call it the cold-wet-super-social-food-n-drink-n-movie weekend – to sum it all and leave out nothing.
This was also a weekend when we did some new things. Nets and I got quite light-headed (trust me that is a polite understatement) at Firefly, and giggled like school-girls, tried to woo some men into dancing with us (we did that by loudly proclaming that we were single and ready to mingle) and as tokens of the fantastic evening we flicked the cheapie decorative battery-operated lamps from our table - just for the kicks of flicking something. That was a first.. am not too proud of it (esp considering that i don't even like the lamp all that much!) but a first nevertheless. A few hours later we drove down to some obscure little corner of the city and found a blessed all-night-idli-dosa-vendor and pigged out on his yummy fares like they were giving away prizes for eating. I guess I could add to the list the short lesson in classical singing that I got from RK, as well as my newly acquired knowledge of lomo photography. Oh, and the fact that I enrolled myself on half a dozen online-photo-communities and sites.
The highlight however, was the realization that everyday our world is shrinking, and we have no choice but to be open-minded about our fading lines of regionalism and clans. This happened last evening when three Konkanis, one Telugu and one Punjabi-by-birth-Bombayite-in-fact, spent the evening singing old hindi songs, rehearsing for an English play, eating some Chinese food and watching a Japanese movie.
And which is probably another reason why we love Obama so. He’s charming and sincere and all that – but like so many of us in India, he is also a mish-mash of many cultures and a product of much travel and transfer. He’s just like us. Or we're just like him. Whoopie! Don’t we just love to bask in reflected glory.
But hey… it’s cold here! I’m going back in, and you should get back to work.
Ciao!

The bandwagon

2008-11-08T00:15:00.001-08:00

Circa 1998
Catching up with sis during my trip home for Diwali
Sis: Well?
Me: Well what? Well nothing.
Sis: Uff.. you’re so boring. Acchha… what about Neha?
Me: Kartik. Very gorgeous.
Sis: Ritu?
Me: Anuj. Very friendly, but balding.
Sis: Janice?
Me: Clive. Talks non-stop. Sings well too.
Sis: And what about Anu?
Me: None. Like me. J
Sis: Oh, acchha. Prerna?
Me: Neel.
Sis: Neel? Who’s Neel? I thought it was Ajay?
Me: Yes, Ajay's the first one. Neel is the latest.
Sis: And among the guys.. what about Abhijit?
Me: Snehal.
Sis: Nice name. Is she pretty?
Me: Dunno… haven’t seen her yet. Saw some pictures, but you know how it is, can hardly tell from pics.
Sis: And who else, who else? Arnav?
Me: Umm…Ritika, I think. No – that is John’s. Umm… I forget the name now.. I haven’t met him in a long time.
Sis: Hmm. Anyway, I so wish you too could be a little like your friends.
Me: Shut up, you sound like mom, now. Am happy the way I am. Told you – am not ready yet.

Circa 2008
Catching up with sis during my trip home for Diwali
Sis: Well?
Me: Well what? Well nothing.
Sis: Uff.. you’re so boring. Acchha… what about Neha?
Me: Aryan. Lovely dark hair.
Sis: Ritu?
Me: Ritin. Very cute - totally bald J
Sis: Janice?
Me: Steve. Very cranky and clingy
Sis: And what about Anu?
Me: None. Like me
Sis: Oh, acchha. Prerna?
Me: Nakul
Sis: Nakul? Wasn’t it Nipun?
Me: Yes, Nipun's the first one. Nakul is the latest.
Sis: And among the guys.. what about Abhijit?
Me: Riaka
Sis: Nice name. Is she pretty?
Me: I believe so… haven’t seen her yet. Saw some pictures, but you know how it is, can hardly tell from pics.
Sis: And who else, who else? Arnav?
Me: Umm…Ayesha, I think. No – that is John’s. Umm… I forget the name now.. I haven’t met him in a long time.
Sis: Hmm. Anyway, I so wish you too could be a little like your friends.
Me: Shut up, you sound like mom, now. Am happy the way I am. Told you – am not ready yet.
I was the last to find a boyfriend, i'll probably be the last to have a baby. It's alright, sis... Forget about the bandwagon!

2008-11-06T13:15:00.000-08:00

Sometime late at night, when i'm awake and in a car heading home, speeding through a still and silent city, on deserted roads lit with warm yellow lamps, my thoughts drift into the homes of all my loved ones, and my mind's eye sees them - family, siblings, friends in far away places, pets - tucked in their warm beds fast asleep and dreaming of happy things; safe, and fearless in their sleep.

And it fills me up with so much love it feels like my heart would break.

Dial M for Movie

2008-09-05T21:32:00.000-07:00

In the last one month i saw more movies than i had ever in my entire life before i got married. In fact, its a wonder that i'm not watching something right this minute. A summary:

17 movies in 20 days
6 in the theatre, rest at home
3 hindi, 1 french, 1 japanese, 12 english
4 animation, 1 musical, 3 comedies

Impressive, no? Sure is for me, at least!

Among other things, i was surprised with the number of animation movies. I always respected this genre for the finesse and infinite labour a good animation film demands, but by now am totally bowled over with how much the human mind can conjure and conceptualize, and how well it can be executed with the right skill, patience and a flair for perfection.
Of them all, the one i liked best was Howl's moving castle, which is a Japanese film about a young girl who is cursed by an evil , and about a young wizard called Howl who can save her, and his funny castle that keeps moving from place to place.
This movie was a visual delight, with its lifelike detailing and fabulour colors, and a story that is unlike any that we have (i have) ever heard or seen. It gave it a 10 on 10. If you get your hands on it, do not miss it.

Others that were also marvellous were Kung fu panda - which made me laugh out loud, and Wall-E which was a total treat. It's on the IMDb Top 250, and rightly so! In fact i think it deserves the Oscar for best lead actors, even though the lead actors are animation robots.
I also watched Enchanted (7/10) and Bee Movie (6/10) which were both ok.

Amongst the non-animation movies, the most fabulous one was La Grande Seduction - a delightful French movie (English title Seducing Dr. Lewis) about a small fishing village somewhere in Canada, that decides to change its flailing fortunes by luring Dr. Lewis to make it his home. It is such a heart-warming, ribtickling, clever little film that long after its over the memory of it still makes you smile. And the strangest part is that months ago, i had thought of and presented to some unkind friends a story that was strikingly similar, though they didn't think so. Good thing i didn't invest my time and energy developing it because no matter how different i'd made it, it would've still been tagged 'inspired' or maybe even, shudder, 'copied'.
Rest of the movies were divided into three different categories:
A. Important, mainstream films that i had to catch up on:
- Blood Diamond (va va voom! What an idiot i was to not watch it in the theatre when it released)
- Breakfast at Tiffany (had seen this long ago, but at age 21 with no subtitles, missed out much)
- Four weddings and a Funeral (don't like Hugh Grant much, didn't like the movie much either)
B. Random, forgettable fare that i saw on TV or video:
- Marvin's room (stellar cast, great acting, but such an ok film!)
- Rumor has it (ridiculous comedy)
- Monster-in-law (absolutely predictable chick flick, but still great fun, total timepass)
- What happens in Vegas (even more predictable than monster-in-law, but still great fun, total timepass)
C. Current theatre releases - A mix of good and bad:
- Rock On (nice! makes me wish we really did have some local rock icons. A band we were all mad about, worshipped the ground they stomped on, felt proud of, tattoed their names on our bums, threw our panties at... you know what i mean? Sigh, i guess the movie is as close as it gets to the real thing, which hopefully may happen by the time i have grandkids. But then i would not approve of the whole name-tatooing, panty-throwing business! What a catch 22!)
- Bachna ae haseeno (yummy ranbir, eyepopping locales, droolworthy designer threads on three (actually two) hot leading ladies, nice foot-tappy music. Yup, i like the Yash Raj formula fare)
- Mumbai meri jaan (tremendous potential - wasted. A preachy (yuckk!) movie with some ridiculous, incredible, unconvincing, poorly executed sequences and worse-than-amateurish acting from some of the most respected names in hindi cinema. This one, i don't forgive. Very bad. Waste of my time. And this, when i love love love Mumbai and anything to do with it)
- Singh is Kingg (if you haven't seen it yet, thank your stars. Save your money and time. This movie makes a public loo with defunct water supply look like the garden of eden)

So there. For the record, that is 17 movies in a span of 20 days, six of them in the theatre. Pretty good, huh? Smug smile. Of course all of this has taken its toll on the other stuff. My plants lie almost forgotten, cooking has taken a back-seat, and going to gym has become as rare an activity as going to the public library! But am not complaining, heck no.
In fact, i'm wondering if tickets are available for A Wednesday! - which i believe is a superb movie. If not, oh well - i guess i'll find something from the 800 movies in Golls' collection!

Missing my girlies!

2008-08-23T01:37:00.000-07:00

"Friends are people who go conspirational shopping together, dipping in and out of shops that are totally beyond their price range and end up eating oozing cream cakes with only just enough money to get home"

Read this somewhere and got pangs of heartache. Why must it be so hard to make good girl friends!?

2008-08-21T02:20:00.000-07:00

I believe that when you learn to laugh at yourself, you learn to love yourself.

Ps - I got this from Everyday People, which is terribly funny and oh so real. I love it! Do check it out.

The greatest show on earth!

2008-08-10T05:25:00.000-07:00

Last friday, Golls and i finished our work - whatever there was that we had to do - by 5.30 pm, and just like a majority of the world's urban population, settled into our comfy couches, with drinks and munchies, in front of the TV, waiting with bated breath for the Opening ceremony of the Olympics 2008 to begin.

Golls is a regular TV and sports buff, so this was not out of character for him. I on the other hand, usually don't watch TV. As for sports, I enjoy watching some sports but in moderation and not like a maniac, and as far as the Olympics go, i have previously only managed to follow the progress - opening and closing ceremonies included, through the evening news or highlights. So this time it was different for me. One, Golls' enthusiam was infectious and i found myself actually looking forward to following whole the Olympic drama live. Two, i have for the first time, real free time - so why would i pass up the chance to watch the ceremony (and later the contests) that promised to be grand to say the least.

The point of this post however, is to just document what happened on friday as the opening ceremony unfolded.

What happened, was pure magic.

There is just no other word that i have, to describe how we felt about the spectacle. One expected China - keeping in line with their cultural richness, their pride in all things Chinese, and their unrepressible and deliberate rise in the global economic matters - to stage an exoctic and beautiful show. Also becuase China and the city of Beijing made no secret of the fact that they spent a good part of the last half decade primping and pruning, leaving no stone unturned to look and feel as rich, as posh, as cultured, advanced, modern and formidably sophisticated as any other from anywhere on the globe. One read, heard of or saw pictures of Chinese soldiers at their parade practices with needle-attached-collars in order to get their posture right, about their proposal to Steven Speilberg for art-direccting the opening ceremony (and the subsequent fallout), about their English-lessons-on-TV, about the dog-meat-ban in order to respect the sensibilities of a large part of the world's countries, and assorted other reports about the relentless Chinese efforts to get their Olympics credentials right.

Plus, at least for people like me - the awe generated by their impossibly graceful, deceptively serene, gravity-defying martial arts heroes in movies like 'Hero' and 'Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon', also contributed to the expectations being very high.

Yes, expectations - mine, and everyone else's - very real high. And yet, what we saw, blew our minds!

This was by far - the most, most awesome show that i have ever seen. And i'm talking about seeing on television, which i am sure is not a quarter as good as watching the real thing in person. But even so, it looked marvellous. Ethereal. Humanly impossible. Such faultless precision and syncrony, at such a humongous scale - is really to me a task fitting of gods, not humans.

It really is not possible to describe in words how brilliant, brilliant the show was. So i let the pictures speak. I was too busy gaping - popcorn-holding-hand mid-air - to take pictures. So these are not mine... but from a brilliant news-website i found. Find it here, especially since they have large and beautiful pictures.

If you missed the show, please do yourself a favor, and look it up on YouTube or whatever - but do watch it. Olympic ceremonies are usually spectacular, but this one will stand out as being head and shoulders above any that have been ever attempted. This one, is going to be a real tough act to follow for any one - for a long, long time to come. Do watch it.

Here is my list of personal favorites:

1. The first/ opening drill with the 2000+ drummers, especially when their drums light up. More like CGI than human effort.

2. The lighting of the olympic couldron by the 1st ever Chinese gold medalist Li Ning. Very dramatic, very clever.

3. The huge inflated-and-lit globe with images flashing on its surface and athletes wearing cat-suits and elastic harnesses floating round and round it in concentric circles.

I only wonder what the morning after was like in Beijing, a city that has anyway been struggling with unhealthyly high pollution levels, what with several rounds of fireworks worth several million dollars lighting up the city during the 4 hour show.

But hey, you know what is my one takeout from the whole experience. I'm convinced, more than ever now, that those Chinese guys really could fly.

Nice ad

2008-08-07T12:19:00.000-07:00

If you've seen the other more popular Dove film 'Evolution' and liked it, chances are you'll like this too. I do.

Although, part of me (the part that abhors self-righteous preaching) feels what is this at the end of the day, but another ad? A message. Whatever. From a brand of beauty products. So, a case of the pot calling the kettle black? You decide.

Trivial musings of a creative young homemaker

2008-08-05T22:36:00.000-07:00

Hey, if i asked you to name the 1st two names from Hollywood that spring to your mind, who would you name? Not your favourite stars... just 2 names that come to your mind immediately for whatever reasons.
Chances are you’d say Brad Pitt (if you’re a normal woman of any age between 3 and 105), or George Clooney, or maybe if you’re a teeny bopper, Tom Cruise. From the men (i hope there are at least some men who read my blog!) i expect to hear Anjelina Jolie (same logic as Brad Pitt), or maybe Jessica Simpson, Scarlette Johansson, or maybe old-timers like Meg Ryan, Audrey Hepburn etc. Or maybe you’d throw at me some unconventional names. Like for example... Whoopi Goldberg... or Denzel Washington. Or umm...i don’t know...someone more unconventional.
Well, if you asked me, my answer would be Helena Bonham Carter and Edward Norton. And why them? Because, it seems to me that they are the most visible faces in Hollywood-land; the ones who seem to be doing the max number of movies. No, really. How else do you explain the fact that they seem to pop in every 2nd movie i watch these days?

You see, till recently i had no idea who Helena Bonham Carter was; or even that she was an actress. And then, I saw her in, get this, not one, not two, not three but in FOUR movies in quick succession! What kind of a weird coincidence is that?!
It started with Sweeney Todd – a couple of months ago, when Gollums & i went to watch the movie at Prasads. As is his habit, he kept feeding me with bits of interesting info/ trivia about the movie and its cast before and sometimes during the movie. That’s when he told me that the attractive Mrs. Lovette was HBC, who enjoys quite a reputation in the period drama kind of roles.
And as is my habit, i heard all that he told me, without really making a note of it, and naturally forgot everything pretty much as soon as it was told to me.
A few days later Golls decided enough was enough and that it just wasn’t acceptable that i hadn’t seen Fight Club, and sat me down and put on the DVD. And very soon, there she was again... this time as the quirky Marla. “Hey, it’s the same Sweeney Todd girl”, I exclaimed, hoping to impress him with my memory. But of course it takes much more than that to impress G when it comes to movies. Anyway, I decided i quite liked her, but her name still didn’t stick in my head. But hey, i loved the movie! And what an ‘Ohhhh!' moment the movie has... clearly beats The Sixth Sense in that department. Amazing!

Then, another day we were watching Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (don’t ask why!) and there she was again – this time in a brief and supremely evil role of Bellatrix Lestrange. I decided it was time to memorize her name, seeing that she was perhaps the most popular actress in angrezi fillums!

And then last week this sweet movie called the Wings of the Dove was on TV, and guess who was there! Yes, Helena Bonham Carter, again! In another one of those 19th century England movies. Very nice indeed.

And pretty much the same thing happened with male stars. Edward Norton was just a familiar name, one that i had seen no films of, though . And then suddenly he was everywhere and in all the movies i saw for a while!
First i saw him in The Incredible Hulk, and then in Fight Club, and then in American History X. Liked him in all three, the most of all in AHX. It’s such an amazing, amazing movie!

So there. Now you know the answer you could get if you asked me to name the first two names that spring to my mind. Not George Clooney or Brad Pitt, but Helena Carter and Edward Norton.
Actually, what lies! It would take more than 3 films to replace Brad Pitt from his no. 1 position in my mind. Yup, Edward Norton’s cute, but Brad Pitt rules. No doubt about that! :-D

Hic hic hooray!

2008-07-29T04:08:00.000-07:00

You know one good thing about me, is how willing i am to admire people who embody values that i don't have. I see them as being superior to me. Stronger, more (or maybe differently) able than me.

Teetotallers are not amongst that admired lot.

I see no virtue in being a teetotaller. I think everyone should drink and enjoy. The real test of strength, i feel, is to passionately love (what other way is there, to love?) your drink and yet not be slave to it.

Think about it. Is there anything quite like having your favorite alcohol in your favorite glassware/crystal, in the company of your favorite person/ people, at your favorite place with your favorite music playing. Nopes, i can't think of any. Sex comes close, but nah. It's not as sureshot a formula for a good time as alcohol.

And am happy to note that ten years of being at it (the alcohool), and i still enjoy it as much. More, perhaps. Even better, i see that i'm holding my drink better and better, which is a great feeling too. Getting drunk to the point of having your lights out and getting wasted all over the place, is so not desirable or cool.

Also maybe because am married now, unlike before i don't automatically gravitate towards my cell-phone anymore as soon as that happy buzz starts in my head. Which means no stupid messages sent to people i love (openly or secretly; long list.), hate (mostly openly; not a long list) or fear (mostly secretly; very short list). Which in turn means no blushes the morning after, no sheepish aplogies or explanations, no unnecessary waste of good money on stupid cause. So yes, there's been significant progress there. Ditching the phone when drunk... big relief.

Another thing that delights me is that finally finally i'm beginning to be able to tell a good scotch from a decent whisky. And you know what? I don't like Glenfiddich. I find its smell and taste a little too sandy for my taste. Good ol THC suits me very well, and Black Label of course is very good. Surprisingly, Black Dog - a brand i always looked down upon because of the wierd name, i discovered is very good too.

Scotch is of course, "my poison", but all the other forms are great too. Vodka is yummy, Bacardi is divine. Wine i love love love. Gin not so much, but nevertheless have been there and done that...the whole gimlet phase. Breezers are babystuff and beer is the ultimate buddy ol' pal. Liquers are a litte too sweet but if you can stop worrying about the calories, too yummy to pass up. You can gimme Irish Cream anyday, anywhere and watch me throw caution to the winds and shamelessly tank up on it.

So net net, i think i'm arriving as a seasoned alcophile. And that does make me swell a little with pride. Whoopie!

H O W E V E R

Getting high, and in that state deciding to write a blogpost, is NOT a good idea methinks, and it has got to stop. The post below this one is testimonial to that. There are also a few others, some that are still in the archives, and some that were hastily pulled off the morning after a binge.

But then again, its all just harmless fun, so what does it matter?

So eat, drink and be merry... Time flies when you're having rum!

Cheers!

Rainy day in Barcelona

2008-07-22T12:04:00.000-07:00

I'm reminded suddenly of that cold April day
It rained all night and all day long

We had small umbrellas and big rucksacks

You and i like Audrey sang were

Two drifters

Off to see the world

Two feathers carried by the wind

Light and willing

Ready to fly, ready to be led

So little seemed to be in our control

We walked all day

It rained all day

There was wind

and it was cold

Our clothes were wet

And so were the shoes

We were tired and broke

The museum was shut

We lost our way

On a lonely mountain

We took the wrong bus

And some boys teased us

And through it all, we were wet!

And yet

We took some good pictures

Of naked Greek men

We giggled at them and

Made some jokes

Rode ticketless on the down bus

Felt very clever

We were the divas

Just ignored those blokes

We bought some hot coffee

Or was it hot chocolate?

Only remember how good it felt

Both inside and out
Our poor, frozen hands

Later that night we dried our shoes

On the heater in the room

We rested our weary feet

and has some cheap wine

That day was ours

We'd lived it well

We'd been tested

And lived to tell

And we were happy

I remember we smiled

We talked till we slept

Without turning out the light

Sweet dreams all the way

And am thinking now

As i thought back then

What a perfect day!

2008-07-20T11:31:00.000-07:00

"Marriage means change". My wise ol mum announced a few days before my wedding. She was in that phase of imparting pearls of wisdom at all kinds of times and while doing all kinds of chores. When this particular nugget came my way, i think we were wrapping gifts for the groom's family in yards of golden mesh and ribbon.

"Don't be a pig, don't resist", she went on, displaying her awe-inspiring faith in my maturity levels. "Embrace change. Much of what you hold dear now - things, people - you may have to let go of. Things that you care naught about now, will become the most important. Keep your eyes and ears open, use your head.. be sensible and smart." She paused, gave me a look of that great affection and pity that only a mother of a bride-t0-be is capable of, and which can move you to tears. Sure enough, the next moment we had both burst into tears and were hugging and howling.

"Mammma... i don't wanna get married.... puhlleeeease!", I howled.

Thwackkk! The tears (hers) had stopped. The affectionate look had vaporized without a trace and i had instead the very stern looking mother i was more used to. "Shut up! You'll be fine. See daddy and me...we've been married for nearly 30 yrs now". She was back to packing the gifts, resolutely refusing to acknowledge the hurt-at-being-spurned look on my face. Mom always thought i was one for histrionics, you see.

Comical it seems in retrospect now, but it wasn't then. It happened again and again - this little routine of advicegiving-affectionshowing-bothcrying-meprotesting-megettingthwackk.

The problem was, with all the advise everyone had to offer, it seemed quite as though i were being readied for a concentration camp. All that talk about change, change, change! I, like millions before me, was petrified of living with my decision to get married, and live with a man i had chosen to spend the rest of my life with.

And am relieved and glad to see that like millions before me, i'm doing very well living with the same man. As for the changes, well, some are a tad irksome, but most are good. In fact, fun. Here's an example.

I had many interests as a child and teenager and young adult, but movies never really was a part of that. I never much cared about films...in fact i used to tell sis that i had trouble sitting through most movies coz i ran out of patience. And as a result i missed many. Make that most.

And it was ok really coz i didn't even know what i was missing out on.

And then i got married to a guy who talks, walks, dreams, eats, drinks, sleeps movies. He's a walking encyclopedia on Hollywood trivia, and knows more about this one area, than my collective knowledge of several other things.

When he got to know about my lack of knowledge of (and apparent interest in) cinema, it messed his head pretty bad. He was this bag of mixed emotions... he couldn't believe it (i had told him i could count on fingers the number of movies i had ever seen in my life), he was appalled ("do you have annny idea what you have missed in life????"), he marvelled at fate ("how amazing that i should fall in love with a girl who is a blank slate on the one thing that i hold dearest!"), and... he was also a little excited - at the prospect of showing this dazzling new world to me... showing me the wonders that his 1000+ dvds - patiently and proudly amassed from around the globe - held.

"Watch a movie a day", he said, "and you will still not be done after 2 yrs. You have time.. make the most of it".

Ok, i thought, why not. After all, movies = entertainment, and i like entertainment.

He introduced me to IMDb and its famous Top 250 list, and to Rotten Tomatoes. To the various famous lists and annual surveys. To the Oscars. To the greats of every decade, the award winners, the losers, the never-wons, the farces - - - the works.

And now, i like movies, and am happy he took my under his wing as far as this was concerned. I still don't watch a movie a day; am nowhere close to having seen all best movies he has, let aside all the rest of them. I woke up in the middle of the night this year to watch the Academy awards ceremony, and i know i will do it again next year.

When he goes on and on about his favorite films, their moments, the actors - i roll my eyes and make fun of him, and laugh, and refuse to pay attention - simply to irk him... but really, i find it terribly sweet to see him all worked up about this little obsession of his.

Yes, marriage demands change. In your lifestyle, in your perspective on things. But you know what, keep your eyes and ears (and mind) open, and you'll get by just fine.

Like my friend KD says, "When you see life is calling, hang up the other line!"

For a broader mind and a slimmer waist

2008-07-11T00:55:00.000-07:00

So here’s a question for you: What is the similarity between writing (as in a blog), and gymming?
Great stress busters, did you say? Very good, that’s correct.
What else?
They make you look good? Yes, of course. To yourself and to the world... right, right.
What else? Think.

Well there is one more. And that is -- how difficult it is to get back to either after a break. No matter how regular you are with one or the other, if you take even a 3 day break from the routine, it’s entirely possible that you will allow lethargy and inertia to take over and go on to little by little extend the break to several months. If you were like me, this would happen to you unfailingly, every time.

Now see, till late last year, i used to blog regularly. I had a crazy job that demanded 24-7 attention and at least 95 hrs per week of work, with high-strung people for subordinates, superiors, clients and vendors. And yet, i used to blog. Regularly.
I had given up all my other interests, and if there was one thing i held on to, it was the blog. I used to write.

In fact, i had (have...) not one, but two blogs.
One was (is?) a happy blog which got all the happy updates (a promotion at work, a good short 8-hr day at work, a sick boss (or client), a fire...or a flood...or anything else disrupting work... you get the drift, right?); and the other was a dark blog... where i vented about all things bugging, infuriating and depressing – i.e. work-related.

And i neglected neither blog. In spite of the crazy work and insane, unrelenting stress, I found something to write about on the happy blog. At times i made up happy stuff just in order to do justice to the Happiness journal. As for the dark blog, there was never a dearth of things to write about. In fact there was an excess, and I had to spend time and prioritize my peeves and then write about the worst of the lot. Not every day, but surely every week, every month. I wrote.

Heck... i was getting married early one morning, and the previous night... i wrote.

And then i quit my job, got married, moved to a new city and started a brand new life. A brand new life; the shackles of employment in that rat-hole were gone. I found my wings, and happy as a lark i sang and danced, drunk in the delight of freedom. Since then, I have travelled, been to exciting new places, had several new experiences, done a spot of acting on stage and a bit of social work with a local NGO. I now spend my days doing all the crazy things i dreamt of doing. i take arty pictures with my fancy camera; i paint, do the crossword, play music, watch movies (oh so many movies!), I read, i cook, i clean... and decorate...and shop, and invite friends over... and sometimes... many times – i just sit and do nothing. Or i sleep.
Oh, and sometimes, i gym.

You would think that with all this new stuff happening in my life, with my mind-expanding new experiences, and plentiful free time, i would be ready to explode with things to write about; that i would fill up page after page with accounts of my adventures. Well, I thought so too; but only the contrary seems to have happened. I do have things i want to write about, and more than once..several times, i have actually made a mental note of putting pen to paper and updating my journal – if only for posterity sake. But all that intention really never translated into action. After slowing down to a trickle, my pace of posting new stuff came to a complete standstill a few months earlier. And the funniest part is that i didn’t even miss it so much, except at times when something stupendous happened.

So today, many months and much guilty procrastination and not a little encouragement (from dear darling hubby) later, i started writing this report, hoping to rekindle an old flame and get my creative juices flowing. Not because i’m an ace writer who, like my friend RV will have publishers knocking at her door after reading her blog, not because i have a 100 readers who have been having withdrawal symptoms with me not writing, not because of any reason that has anything to do with anyone else. Simply because i liked blogging. Like.

And that’s it. That is what i wanted to say, at least for now. So here’s hoping i will be more regular here onwards.

Alright then, next step – get to the gym... it’s been a month since i stepped on that holy ground!

Here’s to getting back!

I'm alive

2008-04-02T11:50:00.000-07:00

And kicking. And laughing. And doing all that i ever wanted to, but didn't. I'm having fun. I'm living my life the way i wanted to.
And i will get back to blogging. That's the only thing i'm not doing.
I'm happy
:-)

Of the winding up and starting anew - Update 1

2007-12-29T01:28:00.000-08:00

I'm back (sooner than i promised) from my self-imposed blog-ban, into the familiar old territory of online journals, pictures sites, wikipedia and all that the lovely Internet has to offer.

It's been crazy past two month but i have absolutely enjoyed every bit of it. Never before have I experienced so many changes in such rapid succession. There are in fact distinct phases or chapters, all over the last 60 days. I quit my job, shopped like crazy, got married, had a 10 day celebration with 2 poojas, 2 receptions, and many many other events, visited 5 cities in 10 days, left Bombay for good, and settled down in Hyderabad (Hyd, from now on). All of this, is what I’m going to write about today… not with the intent of writing an entertaining/ informative/ philosophical post, but merely as a record of events and emotions I have experienced in the course of this wild ride.
So this promises to be a long post, and a boring one really, unless if you would for some reason like to read a detailed report of a fantastic girl's trip from miss-cool-professional to mrs-efficient-housewife...

There, I’m done with the disclaimers. If you’re still reading, thank you. For your convenience, and in an attempt to give some structure to my own thoughts, I’m dividing the whole epic into chapters. And maybe, I will only write about 1 or 2 chapters today. Maybe I’ll write chapter 3 and 4 soon. Maybe you’ll come back. Hopefully you will. If not, I will still write. Here we go:

Chapter 1: From one all-consuming phase to another. From work, to marriage.
There are jobs and there are jobs and there is qualitative research. And there are people and there are people and then there is me. I'm not quite sure which of the two were responsible for the madness that was my work and work-style for half a decade, but regardless of that, the fact was that as long as I had that job, there was no chance of fitting anything else into my schedule or mind-space. And so one thing I had known for years was that when it came to the getting married, without a doubt I would have to (want to) quit the job; regardless of whether the marriage needed me to change cities or not.
And so when time came to bite the bullet, it was easy. Anyway, how hard could quitting one's job be, after all? Isn't it what we all dream about...flinging the resig letter in the boss's face, showing the finger to the system, getting out before getting burnt out? Yes, maybe, but then again, remember I told you – this is quali research we’re talking about, and me. I was the quintessential sucker for punishment. I felt responsible for the place and the work. I loved the work. I loved the people i worked with (most, not all) and worked for. Not the quantum of work (and surely not Quantum. Lol...inside joke - please ignore), but the work definitely. I... was as good as married to the job. So there.

The smart thing I did however… one of the smartest I have ever done in fact, was to quit when i did – a month before the wedding - giving myself enough time to get over the withdrawal symptoms of work, and to prepare mentally and otherwise (whatever you may imagine 'otherwise' be) for the wedding. Gave me the chance to spend some quality time with mom and dad (and of course with my precious li'll Tasha), and to generally get a feel of what it feels like to be unemployed.

Unaccustomed to having any free time, let aside so much, I cannot express in words how much I relished the change, loving the chores that would seem mundane, even terribly boring to the average person…like driving mom around in the car, buying myself coffee and sipping on it with the window rolled down and my elbow jutting out of it, while waiting for her to finish buying/ ordering whatever she had to. For all my love for my work, I hardly missed it. The people yes, the work no. The tension and pressure and stress – most definitely not.

The gym dream took form and though i couldn't achieve my target of getting the most fab beach body for the HM, what with a little bit of chubby around the waist refusing to tone up, it was still very satisfying to work out as much as i did, and be in the shape that i was in at the time of the wedding. (I say 'was' because already i see that shape going and the little double chin coming back...oh noo!!!). Anyway, i believe boys like their girls a little chubby... more cuddly and all that. So..

The best part of it was that nothing really got left for the last minute... the preparations happened pretty much in time, and by the time it was time for the celebrations to begin, i was done with all that was expected of me, and there was no scurrying around, as i have seen happen with some of my friends.

In case you got the impression that all i did was sit at home and get pretty, you couldn't be more wrong. I really worked hard. There was an amazing amount of shopping. Don't believe me? We bought clothes for me, sis, bro, mom, dad, hubby, his parents, rest-of-the-family, my aunts, uncles, cousins; linen, presents, decorations, shoes, accessories, gold stuff, and never ending blah blah blah. Visiting the decorator, the caterers, wedding invite-makers, tailors (ohh....soooo many trips to the tailor!!!), photographer, dentist, sweet-makers, beauty-parlour, hair-stylists, etc etc etc. So you see, i put my feet up and rested when i could, but i also worked hard for my wedding, and that i think went a long way in making the experience as sweet as it turned out eventually.

Chapter 2a: Getting used to the idea of getting married - The general stuff
Now, i don't know how it is with everyone else, but i'm not one of those women who, as hindi movies make us believe, have spent a good deal of their childhood and teenage 'fantasizing' about their wedding day...about a fairytale event with all the necessary ingredients - the princess bride, a princely groom, picture-perfect settings etc etc. I mean, do such women exist? I really don't believe so, but like i said, if so many hindi movies harp on endlessly about them, then perhaps they're a sizeable population. Well, with all due respect to them, i'm most definitely not one of them.

I had never given a thought to what my wedding would be like, let aside build an entire mountain of expectations about how it ought to be. Having said that, i confess that as the day got closer, i did get anxious and even excited...and spent a lot of time thinking about how I would like it to be. There – I was wishing for all the same stuff – a lovely wedding... nice decorations, me looking ravishing, hub looking hot, family and guests all looking grand, feeling really happy, the music, the lights, the dancing and singing, the presents, the photos, hugs, kisses and tears...the works.

More than anything else, I wanted my wedding to be great fun, for me and hubby, and for everyone else. My nightmare would’ve been for my wedding to turn into one of those (and so many seem to be that kind) where the groom and bride hardly have any fun (while everyone else does), the parents look and are haggard with exhaustion and frenzy, and the guests care not half as much for the wedding as for the free booze and food.
When I thought about such negative stuff, I made myself sick with worry. When I thought positive, I felt sick with anxiety that i was gonna jinx it. You know, the whole 'buri nazar' thingie. Evil eye...etc etc. Or that i'd build up my expectations so high they couldn't...wouldn't be met, and then i'd feel dejected. That is how I’d nip my daydreaming in the bud, and get me crashing back on to the hard ground, feeling sheepish, almost stupid about my excitement. And that is how it went... like a roller coaster, i went from dreamy, heady high, to practical, pretentious pious, to mopey miserable.

Chapter 2b: Getting used to the idea of getting married – About leaving Bombay
Having to leave Bombay hadn't seemed like a big deal initially...in fact i don't think i had really given it a serious thought when i agreed to the marriage.

But slowly as it started sinking in, it started to scare me, and how. This was Bombay...the only place i really knew, had some roots in, and truly loved. No doubt, the worst city to live in, but heck, that was for other people to say. For me, it meant the world…the best place to have a home in. Little things started becoming the big things... the view of the sea (dirty shirty no problem), the humid air (good for the skin and hair, really), the ease and comfort of the familiarity with the place, people and its culture, the bindaas, the chilled-out, the devil-may-care, the MOYB, the now-prudish-now-liberal, now-caring-now-apathetic, the safe-as-hell-for-women city. And all those clichéd titles too – the maximum city, the city that never sleeps (though it does actually – from 2 to 4 am), the city of dreams and so on. But to sum it all, if there was one, and only one thing the city meant (means) to me – it was (is) freedom. Bombay is the city…the only city that lets you be. Accepts you as you are.

The late night parties and the worry-free midnight-cab-ride-home, the freedom, the security, the food, the lingo, the one-step-ahead-ness, the everything-available-anytime-anywhere-ness', the sobo-vs-burbs-barbs, the cool quotient, the imagery associations, the pride of being a bombay-girl - it all began to matter so much that it made me cry and that made me angry - as much as fiancé as at myself.

At him, for being the reason i'd to get uprooted, leave my little world and move to a new, unfamiliar, uncool place; and at me - for not thinking it through earlier, for not weighing the pros-n-cons, and also for now being shallow, for refusing to look at the brighter side of leaving bombay, and for being a frog-in-the-well.

It all got pretty bad – with tearful outbursts and ‘don’t-wanna-get-married’ tantrums more than once, with mom getting annoyed, sis getting annoyed, friends getting exasperated, and me myself getting really tired of myself being moody all the time. And then all on its own, it got ok.

I guess, somewhere there was an defeated acceptance of the fact that I was exaggerating. Making a mountain of...well...not a molehill, but say - of a smaller mountain. After all, every ending is the beginning of something else, and things usually happen for the better. Here i was getting married to the man i chose to marry, and there was every reason to be happy. And so I made peace with myself, made it better for me, and I survived the pre-marital blues.

With a little help from my friends.

In the next post : The wedding day arrives and along with it a whole troop of relatives. The ceremonies begin and so do the daily song and dance. A bride who's running late, a groom who's a stikler for punctuality, an assortment of friends, a dance challenge, the almost ruined decorations at the venue, and lots more.

2007-12-04T08:59:00.000-08:00

It's my wedding tomorrow and i'm feeling fine.

Promise you a long update later. Right now, its blissfully quiet in the house since everyone's gone for dinner agreeing to let me be at home... to be with myself, and to pack my bags. It's the best thing to have happened, and i want to make the most of it...

Next week's going to be hectic with the Vizag trip to meet the fiance's family, the subsequent reception and Satyanarayan pooja. The weeks following will be the HM at Bali and S'pore [yeyy]. By then it'll be Christmas and New Year, and i will either be getting invited by his friends for dinners etc, or be entertaining them, or both.

So in all likelihood, i will resurface on this platform in 2008.

Wishing you a great holiday season - a fantastic Christmas and a wonderful New Year. And if you stop by long enough to write me a comment with congratulations, thank you in advance :->

Someday

2007-11-30T11:28:00.000-08:00

Sitting by and staring at the ocean at 7 am on a cool, windy morning
Having bun-maska and cutting chai for breakfast
Walking around taking pictures, holding hands, talking about this and that and the other unconnected things
Coming over to my place to meet mom and Tasha
Going out for an expensive, la-di-dah dinner
Watching a masala flick in a plush multiplex in some faraway suburb
Fighting over the difference in taste in movies
Going house hunting together
Buying a house for us, here, in this city
Tripping on weed together
Lying together under the starlit sky
Cuddling up and going to sleep once more
Learning your language
Baking a cake for you
Writing about you and I
Admiring how well we fit
Getting married and having babies
Being soulmates
Growing old together
Keeping promises

A month into unemployment, an update...

2007-11-17T21:57:00.000-08:00

Glimpses of what my life looks like these days...

I love, love, love the mornings. I'm waking up earlier than i used to when i was working, and that surprises many. On a good day i catch the sunrise and the cool morning breeze, though the more common and regular highlight is reading the newspapers and having cha without having to rush or scurry like a rabbit. There are no trains to catch, no deadline to meet and no office to reach. And I like that.

Maybe because there's a lifestage-shift due, or maybe because i have the time, i find myself often sifting through old pictures of travel and vacations. Cropping, sharpening, softening, archiving, renaming, rearranging. Basically reliving it all at a more easy pace now. How i long to do the Europe trip again, this time wiser in so many ways.

Tasha and i are almost permanent fixtures in the building compound at all the doggie-walk times... Which means we're there at 10 am, 3 pm, 6 pm and 10. 30 pm. She's started being a little more disciplined than before, so i unleash her and let her run free... much to the chagrin of little boys who play there. Because Tasha loves their rubber ball, and if she manages to catch it before they can, will just not return it to them. In the picture above, the kids, in their desperation to save their ball from Tasha, threw it into the unused shed, and then went back to fetch it. Good natured Tasha felt tricked but gracefully took it her doggie stride. Or maybe she just decided in her canine mind to get back at them the next time...

I see kids everywhere... they're all over the place. So many of them. And that is amazing because all the time that i was working, i truly believed that the average age of the people in my locality had gone up considerably, going by that i never saw any kids anywhere. But now that i'm home and downstairs as often as am, i see that the whole place is almost swarming with them..

Wedding - of course is the flavor of the moment, and everything we say or do these days seems to have some connection with mine, which is coming up in 2 weeks. I will not write in this post how much i'm freaking out... instead i'll just look at the brighter side. Pretty clothes, lotsa song and dance, house full of relatives and friends, little games, spats, laughter and tears... all of this is in the offing, and all because i said yes.
The pic above is from Pin's wedding... she got married 2 weeks ago, and survived it. So i guess will I. Amen.

I'm also trying to be fit and toned, in time for the wedding. And so its an hour of gym - 20 minutes of cardio (treadmill, skipping), 20 minutes of stretching exercises (mostly yoga) and 20 minutes of light weights - leg presses etc. I could never imagine it, but working out in a gym is actually fun. And if you're vain like me, even more so. I love the sight of me all sweaty and flushed, with t-shirt sticking to body and strands of hair coming loose out of the ponytail. And also the look of the muscles feeling strained and stretched... i love it, i love it...

What makes the gym even more fun is that it is right next to the sea. There is a lawn, a promenade, lots of palm trees and the ocean. As I run on treadmill, my eyes remain fixated on the vast blue expanse in front, and i let my mind wander through the present back into the past and often peep into the future, though only time should tell what that will be like. And its exhilarating to say the least.

And there is the shopping. It is endless and its tiring, but i suppose it's something that one's just gotta do. The great indian wedding is a phenomenon unto itself, and my views on the shopping involved merits a separate post altogether.

And just in case you got the feeling that i'm living the good life devoid of the vices that creep into your lifestyle while working 12 hrs a day, 6 days a week, in a high stress environment, you are largely right. I am living and eating healthy, sleeping enough, exercising, hardly smoking and looking after myself well.

Becoming a teetotaler however is not anywhere on my agenda and i enjoy my drink as much as i always did, perhaps a tad more in fact. What's even better, i think i'm getting better at holding my drink. And it's a delight that fiance approves and indeed indulges me in my tippling plans.
Of all the joys of city life, smoke-filled garage-pubs with scores of groups of people all out for a chilled out time over beer, cigarettes and some good rock music - i would rank pretty much on top.

So much for a life free of vices.

Things i never imagined i would believe, but now i do...

2007-11-13T11:13:00.000-08:00

It is possible to fall in/ be in love with someone before you've even met them. In other words, it is possible to love a notion.

Honesty is not always the best policy

Easy come, easy go

Loving Somerset Maugham

2007-11-06T11:01:00.000-08:00

From The razor's edge:

Love isn't a good sailor. With three thousand miles of ocean between, the pangs of love become quite tolerable. When i suffered from the pangs of unrequited love I immediately got on an ocean liner.
American women expect to find in their husbands a perfection that English women only hope to find in their butlers.
The heart has its reasons that reason takes no account of. When passion seizes the heart it invents reasons that seem not only plausible but convinces you that honour is well sacrificed and that shame is a cheap price to pay.
Passion is destructive. And if it doesn't destroy it dies.
Unless love is passion, it's not love, but something else; and passion thrives not on satisfaction but on impediment.
I strove with none, for none was worth my strife. I warmed both my hands before the fire of life
Self-confidence is a passion so overwhelming that beside it even lust and hunger are trifling. It whirls its victims to destruction in the highest affirmation of his personality. No wine is so intoxicating, no love so shattering, no vice so compelling.
I couldn't believe that God wanted it (being praised to His face) either. It was hard for me to believe that God thought much of a man who tried to wangle salvation by fulsome flattery.
You're a deeply religious person who does not believe in God. God will seek you out.
I always felt that there was something pathetic in the founders of religion who made it a condition of salvation that you should believe in them. It's as though they needed your faith to have faith in themselves.
Nothing in the world is permanent, and we're foolish when we ask anything to last, but surely we're still more foolish not to take delight in it while we have it. We can none of us step into the same river twice, but the river flows on and the other river we step into is cool and refreshing too.

Preparing for farewell

2007-10-09T09:46:00.001-07:00

Taking a leaf from Mad Momma's book, turning to the www for help. In true research style, here i go:

The background: On my last day at work, i don't want to send a long weepy mail about leaving and about the great time i had here and how i want to thank at least 75 people who helped me learn and grow and all that (i did have a great time, and there are at least a few people who i really am grateful to, but why triviliaze the sentiment by sharing with the whole mailing list... who wants to hear about it really?)

Instead, i wanna mail them a song and its lyrics. Something nice and positive and inspriing but not as preachy (or done to death) as Sunscreen.

And i thought i'd send them 'I hope you dance' by Lee Ann Womack. I think the lyrics are fab, and it fits the bill pretty well.

The problem - i don't have the song in soft copy. My comp at home is gone wonky and the office laptop doesn't allow you to download Kazaa/ Limewire.

Your task:
1. To tell me if you approve of the song. If not, please suggest a better one.
2. Please send me the song if you have it (write me telling me you have it and we'll do something. Don't wanna post e-mail id here)

The lyrics:
Here you go - decide....

I hope you never lose your sense of wonder
You get your fill to eat
But always keep that hunger
May you never take one single breath for granted
God forbid love ever leave you empty handed
I hope you still feel small
When you stand by the ocean
Whenever one door closes,
I hope one more opens
Promise me you'll give faith a fighting chance

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
I hope you dance I hope you dance

I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance
Never settle for the path of least resistance
Living might mean taking chances
But they're worth taking
Lovin' might be a mistake
But it's worth making
Don't let some hell bent heart
Leave you bitter
When you come close to selling out
Reconsider
Give the heavens above
More than just a passing glance

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
I hope you dance (Time is a real and constant motion always)
I hope you dance (Rolling us along)
I hope you dance (Tell me who)
I hope you dance (Wants to look back on their youth and wonder)
(Where those years have gone)

I hope you still feel small
When you stand by the ocean
Whenever one door closes,
I hope one more opens
Promise me you'll give faith a fighting chance

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
Dance
I hope you dance
I hope you dance (Time is a real and constant motion always)
I hope you dance (Rolling us along)
I hope you dance (Tell me who)
(Wants to look back on their youth and wonder)
I hope you dance (Where those years have gone)
(Tell me who)
I hope you dance (Wants to look back on their youth and wonder)
(Where those years have gone)

*******************************************************************************

I hope you reply/ comment...

Of new beginnings and more...

2007-10-05T12:47:00.000-07:00

In exactly 2 weeks I get to stop working (for now) and in exactly 2 months I get married

Big stuff isn’t it? I'm sure you can understand – if you’re young you could fantasize about it , if you're old you'd remember how it was for you, or if you're a man you'd know how we women are about these things or if you have even an iota of imagination you will be able to...well..imagine it.

Winding up two huge chapters (pre-marriage work and singlehood) and entering a new one. Who wouldn't want it.

This is big stuff, as big as it gets. Everything's gonna be new, and i know sometimes it may not be all good, but it's just so exciting too. It's like a whole new world opening up.

A good time to take stock of how i'm feeling.

I feel like laughing out loud

Like singing

Like not doing any work

Like speeding time

Like getting rid of the old and embracing ththe new

Like starting afresh

Like being born again

Like sprouting new wings

Like broken shackles

Like a new dawn

Like it's going to be ok

Like I'm going to be content. Finally.

Wicked

2007-09-24T12:17:00.000-07:00

He says: Oh baby, you're so hot!
Also so nice and small and short!

I say : Well honey, 'short' i will always be...
As for 'hot', now let's wait and see!!

drifting in and out of the archives...

2007-09-13T06:58:00.001-07:00

My spring cleaning on the office comp has begun. It's great fun. Found these two precious gems in an ooooold folder from 2002-03:

"Safe upon the solid rock the ugly houses stand

Come see my shining palace, built upon the sand"

I claim no originality for this one. If you Google it you'll see that it features on at least 2 dozen other sites. So i dunno who composed it first, and neither do i remember what happened in 2002-03 that made me save it away. What i do know is that in 2007, it made me shake my head at myself and smile.

Another one that is not lyrical but is clearly my own creation is this one:

"I used to prefer Times New Roman to Ariel. I don't know... just cannot understand how
Just as I used to like my ex-boyfriend the mostest. And I really don't get it now"

This made me GRINNNNNNNNNNNN!!! Lol! :D

Revisiting Delhi office

2007-09-08T11:16:00.001-07:00

Visiting the Delhi office used to be almost a must-do earlier. There was no question, it was something that just had to be done. And no matter how short the visit, one always made time for it. A transfer to the Bombay office didn't mean that Delhi diminished in importance. Quite the contrary in fact.

As the number of friends across units and floors dwindled, so did the frequency of visits. Not a conscious decision, but just happened. Inching up the ladder also played its part as fieldwork trips became infrequent, more hectic and shorter, with hobnobbing with clients in the name of client-servicing taking up more and more time.

So today, when I have landed at the Delhi office after what seems like eons, it is a straaaaaaaaaange experience. It has been eons I guess. I took the walk around office as always, but maybe I shouldn’t have. There are no familiar faces. So many cubicles or their coordinates are familiar, etched in my mind with faces that seem to naturally belong there, that will belong there forever, but in reality… there are strangers there now. There are no friends to sneak upto, no hugs, no huddling together, no hi-fives, no sutta buddies, no ‘come-back-yaaaa’s.

The only people I know now and who know me are the support staff – the ill-tempered (and cock-eyed) receptionist Stella – who I used to make so much fun of, the jack-of-all-trades but obnoxiously outspoken Bihari – Ghanshyam, the part-time-pundit-part-time-xerox-guy Sharma, the slow-and-inefficient-but-infinitely-lovable-and-loving ops lady Rama, the shy canteen guy Sanjay and a handful of Accounts guys who were (and are) the most lecherous of the lot, but who one had to maintain good equations with or they’d mess up your taxes, claims and so on (or so the belief was).

And they all meet me now with such love and kindness you’d think we were related by blood. I’m for them ‘apni Taraa maddum’ who started her stint in their home ground, who floundered, faltered and took baby steps in front of their patronizing eyes, and who is now older, more mellowed and clearly changed but yet still somehow, to their relief - the same.

I guess in a way they’re proud of me – for having stuck around, for not forgetting, for returning, for being humble, for having matured. They have been privy to some ghastly mistakes I made, and I know they remember, but I’ll be damned if they think any lesser of me now because of those.

I think they too miss the people I’m missing. I don’t think I’m just an old hag reminiscing about the magic of the gone days… I think there really was something to that time and those people. There was more innocence. There was less formality. There were no walls. If you wanted infinite space of your own, you didn’t belong then, you belonged in the future which is now. They (these support people I’m talking about) back then probably earned lesser but were heard more, seen more, mattered more.

I think they miss being more than just support staff.

I am thankful for them, glad they’re there. They made my life easier back then though I didn’t realize that they meant anything. And now they don’t particularly do anything for me, but they still mean a lot. They make it worth visiting.

Anyway, no doubt you would know the feeling I’m talking about if you've been there and done that. I’m just rambling. Like always – forcing you to listen whether you want to or not. Showing you around the interiors of my cluttered mind.

Please don’t mind the mess, make yourself home.

Somebody STOP me...

2007-08-23T05:29:00.000-07:00

Ever since I went all lyrical
People have gone hysterical
I’m a budding star
My fame’s spreadin wide n far
Gosh I’m such a literary miracle!!

The finishing line...

2007-08-22T09:19:00.000-07:00

There it is, my letter of resignation
My passport to being free
Free from this role and this designation
Free to change, free to be me

Could it be any verse?

2007-08-15T11:54:00.000-07:00

Rhymin is cool these days, and everybody’s doin it
I sadly have no real talent, and honestly I’m ruing it
My creativity tends to naught
The writing’s a pile of rot
I start quite sadly and go on to ruin it

* * *

Woe is me, I cannot rhyme
To practice the skill I have no time
They tell me to stop
Call my verses a flop
What I call passion they call crime

The full circle?

2007-08-08T00:19:00.000-07:00

A semi-autobiographical story about the happy childhood adventures of a little girl growing up in small town

Knitting a woolen sweater

A post about the Europe holiday experiences

A post about The Delhi Days

The search for some perfect going away gifts

Online Spanish lessons

A poem about loving and losing

GM Diet

Guitar lessons

Karnatic music

Several books – Shantaram, Zen and the art of motorcycle maintenance, The sign of four, The picture of Dorian Grey, Ulysses

Some movies – don’t remember the names

Some conversations - important ones at that

Attempts at seeing the bright side of things

Some of the things I have started, at different points in life and not finished, but hope to someday

And I wonder what it says about you anyway - starting stuff and not finished it...?

For all the times when she has…

2007-07-31T06:53:00.000-07:00

…been laughed at for unselfconsciously singing along with her music

…been blamed for loving herself too much

…annoyed mom for being too too engrossed in the book

…stood up for herself and those important to her, and in doing that trodden on important toes, spoken her mind, given it back undiplomatically, and refused to kiss those senior level asses

…bitten more than she could chew, because she wanted a piece of every pie

…spent hours selecting a gift that has not seen the reactions she was hoping for

…spent hours selecting a gift that has seen exactly the reaction she was hoping for

…walked on and on and on because the voices in her head needed that long to die down

…foregone sleep - for a friend in distress, for a friend in love, for a friend getting married and scared stiff, another one walking out of a marriage and scared stiff, for a 3–mile run, for the dog that needed to go pee, for work that someone else ought to have finished, for a chance to dance the night away, for a blog that needed to be updated

…said no and meant no

…said yes and meant yes

…said sorry and meant it

...said nothing and conveyed everything

...thrown caution to the winds and fallen in love knowing it was doomed, stood on the footboard in the train, sneaked out of the house, had another drink

…worked hard at being a good person, fair, always there, a role model

…been reckless with her own body, heart and life

…spent hours dreaming, wishing, hoping, praying – for that one miracle that would not happen (and that did not happen)

...refused to give up in spite of failing again and again and again

...known when to stop

For all the times she has introspected and realized there is little she would do differently given another shot at the same life

For all those times, she has only one question : What other way is there, of living?

Quick update...

2007-07-17T13:00:00.000-07:00

It's been a busy last few days. So busy that i have not had the time to report in the Happiness Journal two events of great significance, that happened as many as 9 days ago.

Since pictures are usually worth a thousand words, let me just fall back on one of them to tell you about event no. 1:

This happened a week ago. It's not complete yet...needs shading etc. Yes, it hurt. Quite a bit. Yes, the needle was a new one, thanks for your concern.
The significance you ask? Well...nothing whatsoever to do with Harry Potter. This was to siginify beauty, eternity, strength and resilience. And of course, the magical healing powers that Phoenix tears have.

Now for event no. 2.

Well I don't have a picture to show, though i wish i did. What to do... could just not get the right shot... Neither while Srini slipped the ring on my finger, nor later after i'd gotten used to it being there...

Damn!!

:)

The voice of experience (insomnia?)

2007-07-12T12:03:00.000-07:00

So here are a few of the great (but random) truths that i have figured out, entirely on my own in my twenty-something years of conscious thought and turmoil:

1. The truth about Brother-Pairs and Sister-Pairs

Of two sisters, the younger one is more often than not (at least in 4 out 5 cases) the prettier one. Of two brothers, the older one is generally hotter (again, true about 4 in 5 times)

Except in the case of models/ actors. In that case, the rule is flipped. The older sisters are the superbabes (think Karisma-Kareena, Kajol-Tanisha, Malaika-Amrita, Shilpa-Samita, Raima-Riya), and the younger brothers are the hotties (Fardeen-Zayed, Ayaan-Amaan, Arbaaz-Salman, Dino-Santino)

So how does this impact my life? Well... much to my chagrin, i'm the older sister and pretty evidently not a model/ actor, and also not one in lucky 20% that form the exceptions to the rule. Hrrmph!!!

But go on, someone prove me wrong...

2. The truth about Cluttered Desks

Very simple, true at least 99% of the times :

State of your work desk is the state inside your mind. Cluttered desk = cluttered mind & thought-process. Neat, clean desk = a clear head, uncluttered mind.

So my desk in office, is normally pretty (sigh, and they say i'm not girlie!!) and colorful with lots of interesting little things pinned up nicely. Things rarely get thrown away, though the order of things keeps changing. As work piles up; it gets messier and messier for a few days till i can't stand it any longer, and then i launch a de-cluttering exercise and make it super-neat. It stays like that for many days and then the clutter starts building up again.

And i so totally belong to the tribe of mad women who find the spring-cleaning therapeutic.

3. The truth about Desire and Destiny

When you are really, really, really want something very badly, you generally get it. Except when you must not get it, because it's better for you that way.

Basically, something up there, know you, knows what you want, knows what you need, and knows whether to give it to you and when. This someone cares for you. When you're denied something you want with all your heart, it is for one reason only- that it's not good for you.

Of course, you gotta have faith. It's one of those things that you see it when you believe it.

4. The truth about Firsts

The truth is that Firsts... are overrated. Yes, there... i've said it. They are. First kiss... first looove (sheesshh), first-time-you-do-it, first day in school, first day at work, first paycheque, first rank, first day of rain, first blaaahhh... its all so so over-rated.

Except babies. First babies are always super-special, and a biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiig, big deal. Funny isn't it? So powerful these teeeeeny, feeble li'll things really are.

And first pets. They're forever, forever the mostest specialest. Aaawwwwww... (lookin at my stupid Tasha sprawled under my bed, faaaaaaaaast asleep, perhaps happily bumbling about waggy-tailed in doggie-dream-land... :-))

5. The truth about Insomnia

Insomnia makes you wise. It makes you write weird stuff. It makes you realize the truths of the world. It makes you feel all sticky-sweet and mommy-ish about babies...and ramble. And then it freaks you out (both at how much it makes you ramble, and at what a day may be lined up at work the next day) and that forces you to drag yourself to bed.

Hmm. Wonder why i feel this strange force dragging me bedward!!! Yaaaaaaaawwwwwnnn!!!

Thank you for the music...

2007-06-25T09:20:00.000-07:00

A list of fantastic music that I would have never picked up on my own, or which would have meant nothing really… but for a few awesome people and their good taste...

Vienna (Billy Joel) – SS – who I have never met, but who I feel a connection with. On a recent post, sometime there was a mention of it and i downloaded it. And boy am i glad i did (sorry, but yes, i do download music and therefore encourage music piracy, but where else would you get unusual music, otherwise. Without paying a bomb for it and getting along with one good song, 13 others that suck! But i digress...)

Spooky (Dusty Srpingfield) – That Internet girl who flirted with me thinking I were a boy. This is a long and interesting story, one that I look back and marvel at. It will take more than some cajoling to get it out of me though, so don’t try it. An apter song i never heard, for those hopelessly, habitually, obsessive-compulsively fixated with the quintessentially 'bad boys'. From the movie Lock, stock and two smoking barrels.

All of Leonard Cohen – Shamantak, back in ye olde' Delhi office, on my farewell. So sweet! I lost the little Bengali sonnet that he’d scribbled on the a little paper and stuck it on the CD, but I still have the CD, and I love it. I have tried with little success, to infect other people with the Cohen bug, but it seldom seems to work. The trick is to play it and keep working. For a long time, you won’t recognize any thing in the play list, and it will take time to grow on you. But grow on you it will… I’m quite sure of it.
The best of the lot are Bird on a Wire, Dance me to the end of Love, and Sisters of Mercy

My way (Sinatra) – Fr. Roy, back in college. On a cool, starry night in Khandala, he broke a score hearts as he sat there with a guitar, singing “the record shows, I took the blows and did it myyyyyyyyyy wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy” . We all sat there with our chins cupped in our hands, smiling, sighing, wondering how a man so gorgeous with a voice as groovy as his could take to God! Sigh, but such is life. I have lovely picture with him and it still brings a warm glow on my face looking at it. And to think that not only does he not have that pitcure, he probabaly (definitely) does not even faintly remember me! SIGGGHHHHH!!!

This year during my European holiday, this was perhaps my most often heard song. So many street musicians seem to love it. The girl who sat with a guitar and sang this (in Spanish) at Piazza Nuvona in Rome, simply took my breath away. My way, remains my all time favorite.

Time (Pink Floyd) – Anurag, during our brief encounter of three days, which we filled up with laughter and naughty pranks. And then he went and spoiled it all by saying something stupid like “I’m engaged”. Asshole!

The Long and winding road (The Beatles) – Shwital. She gave me this song, without realizing that she did, when she left behind a lovely CD after moving out from out li’ll flat, back in those strange Delhi days (must write about the Strange Delhi Days sometime).

The only other Beatles song that i like that much is Free as a Bird.

Awaking the Centuries (Haggard) – Sid. This, remains my all time favorite in that weird genre of gothic rock. It is noisy but melodious and dark but peppy, and the piano is awesome. Others that come close are In a full-moon procession (Haggard), Imprisoned Sun (Dawn of Dreams), Black Winter Day (Amorphis)

So that's it. Those are a few... am sure there are more. Oh! To be able to sing well!!! I would so so want to be a rock-star in my next incarnation (must write about my strong belief in reincarnation). More than being a tennis star, more than a newsreader, more than a Dolphin-trainer, wanna be a karaoke queen!!

Observation...

2007-06-15T22:52:00.000-07:00

The Happiness Journal has remained with its original identity for all the time that it's existed.. While the other half had much turmoil, identity crisis and transformations. Wonder if that means something

2007-06-14T11:58:00.000-07:00

The Part of You That No One Sees

You are powerful, passionate, and dominant.
You have a vision of how things should be, and you do your best to make things happen.
People rely on you for your strength. You are a rock to many.

Underneath it all, you aren't so sure about your passions.
So many ideas spark your interest, it is hard for you to get behind a select few.
However, you see indecision as a sign of weakness. So you pursue your goals full force - no matter how foolish they turn out to be.

What's the Part of You That No One Sees?

30-things-before-30

2007-06-07T11:52:00.000-07:00

Be a pretty good photographer
Get a 2nd tattoo
Learn a new language
Weigh under 52 kgs for at least while
Act on stage
Get married
Learn some form of martial art for self defence
Make a short film
Take a break from work for a year. Enjoy being a hausfrau
Do cocaine
Go bungee jumping
Go to Vaishno Devi
Run 10k
Make wine at home
Paint a canvas
Visit at least one old school
Donate blood
Turn vegetarian. At least try.
Travel to Ladakh
Do Vipassana
Learn to drape a sari expertly
Write at least 1 short-story/ script
Skinny dip
Learn to whip up a lip-smacking meal in 30 minutes
Spend a new years' night under a starlit sky, very far from civilization
Learn to sail/ windsurf
Get a drastic haircut
Make out in a train/ plane
Watch 200 offbeat/ must-see movies
Have the sexiest 30th birthday party

Random infobits about me (unnecessary, but wth)

2007-05-30T11:16:00.000-07:00

-I don’t watch TV. Nope. Not at all. Not even a little bit. Not in my own house (there IS a TV that works. There IS cable), not anywhere else. And no, I’m not a TV hater. I think it’s important to watch TV; it’s enjoyable too if you do start watching. But I just don’t have the time. I have other things to do.

-I’m hooked to Don’t look back in anger (Oasis) and Eye in the sky (Alan Parsons Project) very badly. I have to listen to these everyday or I get moody.

- I hate my nose. And if it weren’t so bad I swear I’d have got me a nose ring. But since it IS that bad I won’t draw attention to it.

- The predominant color in my wardrobe is white. I have 2 of just about everything in white. Except pants. I won’t ever get white pants. They’re high maintenance, and make your bum look big.

- I’m dying to get a second tattoo.

- I love dimsum too. Esp the ones you get at M-block market in delhi, on a coooold winter day

- I can’t believe I went away to and lived alone in Delhi for 2 yrs. I’d never allow sis to do it. I’d slap her and tell her to get her head checked.

- I want to learn how to hex people.

- If I died, I would like to be buried, not cremated (intention is not to be morbid, but its important to have this put down somewhere, so that if the need arises my wish is known). And I’d like a pretty headstone with a tear-jerker something written for me. Something like ‘Finally, she sleeps’ (not tear-jerky enough? Well no problem, I like it still)

2007-05-20T11:56:00.000-07:00

I could choose to love and trust passionately, and in the process make a few mistakes and get hurt. Sometimes.

Or i could choose to be suspicious, and stingy with my love, and in the process avoid a few mistakes and feel glad. Sometimes.

So i did what i had to do. I chose.

Lesser of the two evils...

2007-05-06T10:25:00.000-07:00

I prefer insomnia to some of the dreams that I have. No, they're not nightmares

General rambling of a sleepyhead

2007-05-02T11:01:00.000-07:00

Went to Chennai today and Gosh does it feel good to be back home. It was 30 degrees there at 8.30 in the morning. The room where we had the group did not have AC, but the room where the client sat, did. Hrrmmpph.

And having slept only 2 hrs last night it was torturous sitting there, to say the least

I love old, traditional style Tamil/ Malayalee homes, but don't particularly hold a high opinion of their aesthetic sense when it comes to decorating the house. It's not even minimalism, its often just slobbiness...

I end up doing more thinking/ reflecting/ brooding while traveling on work, than i did while on vacation

I don't like being broody. I like me effervescent.

Been reading a lot of blogs and checking out flickr profiles. So much talent out there... gives me such a complex. (btw - nearly every blog has the stupid 20 questions thingie :-) lol)

Reading a good book can feel so good.

I'm back to being insomniac, and don't know what to do about it. I must sleep NOW.

Wassup

2007-05-01T00:38:00.000-07:00

I've been trying to write a really funny post for a few days. And the funny (?) thing is...it's JUST not happening. It starts out alright and soon turns dark. Which is strange because my days are fun and i make people laugh and i'm normally cheerful. And no, i'm not pretending to be happy, so please no one gimme no psychobabblanalysis for this. Maybe i'm a funny-speak, serious-write girl. Maybe.

20 questions...

2007-04-28T00:05:00.000-07:00

This tag's been doing the rounds and just like the flue i caught it too (Gosh I'm a poet!!)
Anyway, here goes...

1. Pick out a scar you have, and explain how you got it.
No visible scars. The not visible ones... ummm....i forgot how i got them.. (hey who's that saying 'ya right'??)

2. What is on the walls in your room?
Dartboard, glo-at-night stars and moon (yayaya i kno i DO have the teens hangover), a painted tile - Bom Jesus Church Old Goa, a little frame from Spain... random stuff.

3. What does your phone look like?
Like a 2 yr old black Nokia 3320. Scratched, jaded, much loved and used.

4. What music do you listen to?
Hummable type.

5. What is your current desktop picture?
A b&w extremely aaaaawwwwww type pic of my dog...

6. What do you want more than anything right now?
Things, direction, peace of mind...

7. Do you believe in gay marriage?
Yes. Living in a country where little girls get married to Peeple trees, or worse still to dogs, all in order to bring the family good luck, it feels like hypocricy to not believe in the marriage of two consenting adults who love each other.

8. What time were you born?
5.10 am. What does that tell say aboue me?? Why is this question here... i have no idea!!

9. Are your parents still together?
Yup.

10. What are you listening to?
Evanescence - My immortal.

11. Do you get scared of the dark?
Yes. Most definitely do.

12. The last person to make you cry?
Ought to the one crying. Am working towards that...

13. What is your favorite perfume/cologne?
Paris by YSL. Anu thinks its hyper-uncool to like anything called Paris. And K thought that it was such a terribly old-fashioned choice. But what the hell, that's me.

14. What kind of hair/eye colour do you like on the opposite sex?
Very dark black and intense...

15. Do you like pain killers?
What're those?

16. Are you too shy to ask someone out?
Not at all. In fact i think it's great fun.

17. Favorite pizza topping?
Sausages and black olives

18. If you could eat anything right now, what would it be?
Pizza with sausages and black olives... (wonder where i got that urge from!!)

19. Who was the last person you made mad?
Sis. But then she's damn good at it what with all that practice.

20. Is anyone in love with you?
I think so.

Tagging Jackson, Goldfluke, Lemontree. If i get Goldfluke to respond, then do something as crazy as uploading a childhood pic of me (can't think of anything more horrific than that).

Whatever

2007-04-26T11:08:00.000-07:00

It was well past midnight, and he was falling asleep. Lying on his stomach with his right arm dangling and touching the floor, hair falling on his eyes and the crumpled white bedsheet covering his bare bum and legs, he looked every bit the cute boy you'd want to cuddle up with on a cold sunday afternoon in December.

The Bob Dylan cd was on loop and playing for the endless time that evening. He didn't mind it though. The volume was very low, and the songs were all his favorite anyway.. the kind that lull you into peaceful sleep in no time.

He was tired of waiting. They'd done it twice over and he was hoping he'd be ready for a third time soon. If only she would finish her shower soon. He frowned. Women were beyond him; why they needed to shower at 12.30 in the night, he could just didn't get. But then they smelled so good. He smiled and decided it was worth the wait; what choice did he have anyway? He felt hungry too. The pasta had been great but not enough. He'd had to share it with her, though he didn't mind that. Who would, when it yielded such rich rewards?

He could hear the sound of water and see little steamy wisps escaping from under the door. He imagined her in there, wrapped in a cloud of steam and bubbles and fragrances. He let his mind wander.

The sound of water stopped. She'd finished her shower. He opened his eyes and raised them towards the bathroom door, anticipating.

A clicking sound of the door opening.

A beep of his cell-phone, announcing a text message.

She opened the bathroom door and stood there with a thousand droplets on her body and a sultry smile on her lips. She saw the phone in his hands and rolled her eyes. He looked at her and shrugged as he raised himself and sat kneeling on the bed.

"Just landed..." the text began. There was more but he had no time to read it. She'd walked upto him, and taken the phone from him and tossed it aside. She looked like she meant business, and he willingly gave in. She was the boss after all. At work and in their dirty little games. The exhaustion was gone, the sleep had vanished. It was time for a third time, he was ready.

* * *

Fog had delayed all flights, and hers was late by 2 hrs. It was nearly 1 in the night by the time she finally landed and got to the baggage claim. She cursed herself for having checked in the bag, because it was now going to take so long to arrive.

She was tired. It had been a long day. She'd gone to work in the morning, taken the sick aunt to the hospital in the afternoon and then gone shopping for some books and music that she'd been planning to buy for a while. And after that she'd gone back to the apartment, tidied up things and cooked. She was sad she'd to leave without seeing him another time, but then she knew couldn't have waited till he returned from work. He was really busy these days, but it was only a matter of a few more months. He had to just make his mark in his new job, and for that he had to slog it out for some more time. Already his boss was very impressed with him and had indicated that he was going to go places. Yes it meant a lot of long hours, but he had to do that. Soon he'd get his promotion and raise, and probably a deputation abroad. They'd get married and start their lives together.

Someone bumped into her, snapping her out of her thoughts. She realized she'd been smiling away, and became conscious of a few people looking at her strangely. She felt stupid, but happy still. I'm the luckiest girl alive, she thought, and they can see my happiness.

Must talk to Mom and ask her if all arrangements can be done in three months. It would be the wedding season, and there was going to a mad rush for everything - the venues, the caterers, the flower guys... everything. She just had to have the most perfect wedding. They'd waited for years after all.

Her bag arrived. She picked it up from the conveyer belt and put it on the cart. Another 20 minutes and she was in the cab, speeding towards home that was at least 45 minutes away.

The thoughts came back. Actually they seemed to have taken over her mind completely for the last few weeks. Ever since he'd mentioned to her that he was thinking seriously about life and love and her role in his life. And that he wanted to change the nature of their relationship. She grinned.

She remembered she'd switched on her mobile soon after landing. She fished in her bag and took it out now, and clicked on 'write message', and typed:

"Just landed... got delayed. Hope u liked t Bob Dylan cd & yr fav penne arabiata i made 4 u & left in t micro. Last night was fantastic. same magic as we had 5 yrs ago. Love you so much, u're da best."

And she thanked the angels for letting her find true love, and said a silent prayer for a lifetime of happiness with him.

2007-04-24T11:28:00.000-07:00

This is my last week of being 26 yrs old, and that makes me happy
:)

Notes from away

2007-04-02T02:56:00.000-07:00

People everywhere are essentially the same. They have the same dreams, worries, fears and reasons to smile. Everyone wants to be loved, dreams of finding the 'right' man/ woman who will bring a lifetime of happiness and joy into their lives, of having enough money to have a comfortable life and of always being connected with whatever is important to them - family, friends, art, places, sex.

Those essential similarities apart, cultural differences are mind boggling. I see here that the idea of roughing it out means traveling without a hair-dryer/iron. And that casual hook-ups are a way of life. And that not many give two hoots about being politically correct, sensitive or considerate. It is pretty much I centric. Whether i think that's right or wrong is not important, it is just different and am glad am getting to see that.

I realize that under the surface we are all racists in our own ways. At least until we know people slightly well, we judge (regardless of whether it's a appreciative judgment or derogatry) them by their ethnicities. At least, I do. I have an opinion on Americans (my sis knows it), on Europeans, esp the English (my boss knows it) and on Asians, Indians, Chinese, Blacks. Anshu knows those, being my co-traveller and the listener of my ramblings sometimes.

I realize i love the sound of the words 'home' and 'mom'. I'm not in exile, i have gone away on my own free will, and after much much longing, dreaming and planning. And yet, with more than half the trip stretching ahead of me, i am homesick too.

I've learnt that S was right - my work and my role at work to a large part shapes my sense of identity and pride. I don't know if that's good or bad... just that it is like that only. I think it's inevitable. Ansh is a designer, so wherever we go, she notices fashion, window display styles and architecture. I find myself instinctively noticing brands, banks, advertising firms. (Psst.. AC Neilsen has a huge office at Oxford, and Publicis at Champs Elyeese)

While on brands - so far i see that there is only one brand when it comes to shoes : Nike. It's either Nike or some unknown fashion brand. And i say this after observations with a stastically viable sample size. When it comes to bags, its Jansport. And i used to look down on Jansport as a wannabe brand. :-)

I'm learning that how i feel about people, is how i decide i want to feel about them.

When I see how dispensable i am to the social and professional circles i consider myself an important part of, I feel very humbled but also very lonely.

I like the fact that i always travel light and have only a few necessary things. On this trip though I think i've overdone the light travel bit and find myself wearing the same stuff more often than i like.

It is so ironic... I find myself conversing in Punjabi with more people here in Spain, than i have ever conversed with in my whole life in India. They tell me about their lives here away from India, how and why they moved, the cost of living here and about the need to be very careful while taveling in these cities. Their smiles reach their eyes and their concern seems genuine. They give us discounts, free coffee and free advice.
Sometimes when you are hurting or hungry or lonely, you don't even realize how bad it is until you find a caring friend, a meagre meal and someone to talk to (respectively).

Anshu and i were laughing last evening, about how our friends and folks back home expect that we will return transformed. Boss asked me yesterday - are you enjoying yourself? Are you writing? Is you mind expanding? My answers were yes, yes and ummmm... i really don't know.

I'm learning many things... but is my mind expanding? How do i figure that one out?

Me, these days...

2007-03-01T08:31:00.000-08:00

Busy at work
Paranoid about weight
Suddenly in love with Vita Marie biscuits
Waiting for good things to happen
Not dating
Praying, praying, praying for the Visa
And for a miracle
Confused about love
Waiting to take off
Buzzing with ideas
Procrastinating...
Waiting...

Life's little pleasures

2007-01-21T04:11:00.000-08:00

Till a year ago when we were like the millions of dogless families, we had no idea what we were missing out on.
Life's little pleasures are many, but owning a pet brings in scores more into everyday...

Here are some examples...

Being loved (and being woken up to persistent but gentle nuzzling and ear-licking)

It's another matter and not so funny when soon it becomes not so gentle, and the stupid mutt yanks away the covers, pulls my hair and bites my nose and my toe and generally takes the fun out of sleeping in the morning...until i get out of bed...

Being missed...

Much is written about how fantastic it is to have a pet because of the typhoonic love they shower on you every evening when you come back home. All of that is true... but i wonder why no one talks about the teary way in which pets see you go... even if you're going out just for 20 minutes to get milk and bread...

Tash makes this saaaaaaaaaaad face every morning when i leave for work and that's sooo cute! I love it :-)

Being appreciated

I cannot strum to save my life and the guitar is more a fashion accessory to pose with in pictures than anything else, but Tash doesn't know that. She wouldn't even believe anyone who told her that/ :-) She thinks i'm a rockstar (I am too)... And she likes it very much when i sing for her :-)

Tash is pretty much the full-time obsesssion and a beloved plaything for the family. But yes, there is surely more to life. There are other little pleasures too...

These top the charts...

Living the kickass life...
In the married vs the single debate at work the other day we (Jess and I) realized how fun it is to live with (and live off) your folks. You don't pay rent, come home to cooked food, clean sheets on a well-made bed and ironed/ starched clothes in the wardrobe, and generally have to do nothing more laborious than help mom shell peas on a sunday afternoon :-). Your salary is yours alone to enjoy and spend as you desire... the bills (newspaper, milk, electricity, cable, phone and whatever else there are in the house) aren't your problem...

Doing nothing...
I know R is not going to believe that I...of all people am counting 'doing nothing' in a list of life's little pleasures... :-)

Lol... but i am and i mean it. I love sundays for that... i love being in Goa for that. You get to do nothing..
And the best part is how energised you feel after some hours of doing nothing and how enjoyable it is to go shopping and/or do other outdoorsy activities then. (Now i probably sound more like me...)

* * *

Of course there are more in the list... but am out of pictures that match... and besides, it's time to go see what's for tea, and help mom shell peas...

:-)

The must-haves

2007-01-16T09:58:00.000-08:00

In my home
- Sounds of laughter and of food cooking
- a balcony with a view of a pretty harbour
- a library, a wine cellar, a squash court and a pool table

In my partner
- maturity and wisdom that I could respect and look up to
- an infectious zest for living life to the very fullest
- the mischievousness and charm of a child

In a day
- a big and soul satisfying breakfast
- at least one big laugh
- 8 hrs of sleep

In my wardrobe
- a classy little black dress
- different colors, fabrics and styles co-existing happily
- one ambition pair of jeans – that never lie about my weight, are the first to tell me it’s time to diet

In my car
- Music, food and a squash racket
- Lotsa fuel (magically always there)
- Some rope and a spare tyre (and an instruction manual on how to change the tyre if needed)

In my heart
- A dream that gives me reason to keep going no matter what
- Gratitude for all that I have, and also for those things that I don’t
- The strength to forgive those who I cannot get even with

In my old-age
- Enough stories of my youth to amuse, impress and scandalize my grandkids
- Enough money and wits to command the attention/respect of family and society
- A partner and some friends with their memories and strengths intact

In me, today
- Enough patience to wait till it gets better
- Faith in me and my capabilities
- The courage to be reckless sometimes

This, that and the other... and HNY!!!

2007-01-11T10:17:00.000-08:00

A third of January is over, and i think i'm doing ok on my resolutions still :-). Isn't that cool?

Other than that the year's not begun very well. Have been so busy with work that 've had no time to write even a 10 line post. And that can be frustrating when there are no less than 3 things that you want to write about.

Well i guess in my line of work that's the price you pay for a taking a small new year vacation at Goa... a really screwed up schedule on return :-(

Anyway, about the three things that I had to write about. The first was about what i did on New Year's eve... It was a house party on an island a little off Panjim. It was an awesome experience, though it wasn't half as glam as it sounds when i put it like that :-). Anyway, it was fun, and the pity is that i have no pics of it. And at the moment, don't have the energy also to write about it. Some other time, then.

The 2nd thing was about the Goa trip and some things i learnt about the place, the people and the life there in the tourist season :-). That too, later.

For now, i write about the 5 good things about me, since this is what Jackson tagged me on :-) (thank u, thank u!!). Well i suppose i will ignore all the well-known good things about me and focus on those things that people seldom realize are my best qualities. If you're thinking that modesty is unlikely to be one of them, u're right i guess...

Anyway so here goes:

1. I'm nothing if i'm not Charming. It's a natural gift, and i think i get it from Mom. If saying that makes me a conceited fool, i'm ignoring that for now and moving on to the 2nd point instead... since we are focussing on my good points :-)

2. Well, charming or not, those who have had the good fortune of having had my love and affection cannot deny that I'm ridiculously Indulgent. So much so that sometimes it makes people feel smothered. But hey... i feel great and naturally, that's what matters to me. See why you should make me like you :-)

3. The moody blog and any number of angry outbursts aside, I'm essentially a Happy person, who needs not much to feel pleased with. R will vouch for this i know. And for how much i like being outdoors!!!

4. A good listener and secret keeper. It's no coincidence that for the last four years i have been in a profession that needs me to listen, listen, listen to people and make sense of all the heaps of non-sense they talk. That explains the good listener bit. As for the secret keeper bit... i don't really know why i wrote that considering it's been a while since this quality was tested.

5. Fun to be with. Too sleepy to explain now. But seriously, trust me on it.

So that's that. I had not for a minute imagined that it would be so difficutlt to five little positives about me... but it was... and that's not so good. Well anyway...

And incidetally, thanks to Jackson, even i am now an avid reader of Boss Stewie's blog, and am very keen to see what funny twist he gives to this post (since he was also tagged).

So now i tag in turn - Lemontree, Palate and Tirbha. Let's wait and watch.

Belonging...

2006-12-24T21:38:00.000-08:00

Sis visits my office and all - the security guards, the accounts guys, the secy's - all just gape at her coz she's so pretty. And then they tell us both that we look very similar :-)

Yeey!!

"Spending sat nite at TC - That thing you do playing" reads text message from a strange number as soon as i land in Delhi. 2 Microseconds of confusion, and then i smile. I haven't heard from him in ages, he's relocated to S'pore. But this text means he's in India. It's Sexy Su, and it fills me with such happiness. We manage to meet the next day, at the airport - for 20 minutes. In that, we squeeze in 2 tight hugs, complete love-life updates, a dash of flirting for old times sake, and lots of laughter.

11.45pm i'm in the cab driving from the airport to home. Christmas is 15 minutes away and as I pass the Mahim church I catch glimpses of the midnight mass through the wide-open windows. We pass by rather quickly much to my disappointment, but not too quickly for me to be washed over with the warmth overflowing from the little church. I make a mental note of the next churches coming up, where I must definitely look out of the window.

Back home, hugs from sis, mum, cousins and tasha greet my arrival. Mom knows i would have had dinner by now, but she's kept food on the table. I have not eaten in the flight, and i drop my worries about the diet for now, help myself to a large portion, and dig in.

Hi-fives and shoulder punches with teen cousins. Sis and i exchange stories - tired, speepy and yawning. I check my mail to find messages from friends asking where i've been. A while later, i lie in my bed under a warm blanket and read till sleep takes over. Mom comes and turns out the light.

I wake up to a persitent nuzzling by a wet doggie nose, a cool and bright and breezy day, hot tea and mouth-watering breakfast and music from sis's playlist of all time favorites.

It's a happy day and Taraa is feeling content. Moody's fast asleep and won't be visiting today. So we hope.

Merry Christmas to all

Retrospection

2006-12-20T19:51:00.000-08:00

This is from the archives of my other blog, at the beginning of this year. Find it hard to believe I wrote it. While in content it's fine and absolutely true, in style... it is almost as if someone else wrote it. I don't feel like the person who did...

It's juvenile to say the least... but then, one year ago perhaps that's how i was!

* * *

Unusual professions that fascinate me (Jan 2006)

I am a Market Researcher by profession. Don't be fooled by the sound of it. What it basically means is that I get paid to go around asking people about their opinion about different things. Things like marriage, retirement, college-life, shampoos, shoes, diamonds, condoms, cars, books etc etc etc..

My friends think its very cool that I travel all over the country and stay in the best hotels in some of the coolest places... but trust me it all seriously just about ok. If money wasn't the thing...and if I knew how to, these are some of the things I'd really wanna do..

1) Be a crooner

Have you ever imagined what much of the music we love would sound like without these awesome people who do the back-up vocals. Oh how i'd love to be a crooner!!! I'm sure you done the singing-in-front-of-the-mirror-with-a-hairbrush-for-a-mike... No? Well I do it all the time.. Only, i'm not trying to be Madonna... I'm trying to perfect the oooooooooooooooohs and the hey-heyyyyyyyys :))

Oh how i'd love to be a crooner!!

2) Own a shop of imitiation jewellery

I know this is perhaps quite achievable... but then i'm not writing about what's unachieveable . I'm writing about stuff that I will perhaps not get around doing in my life and which i would love to. And I would love to own a shop with imitation and silver jewellery. Ohh to think of all that gorgeous...gorgeous stuff at my disposal. On second thoughts..i think i'll make a very bad store owner, considering i'd probably keep all the cool stuff for myself and refuse to sell any!

3) Host a travel show on TV

Do i even need to elaborate on this one -- I think just about everyone in their right mind would love this job. Gosh, is it even a job? You travel to the most exotic places in the world, stay in the best places, do the coolest things AND get paid big bucks!!!! And please no one who does this for a living write to me about how it screws up your social life and how tiring it is. Buzz off... if you hate it, swap places with me and let me do it instead!!

4) Be a dolphin trainer

Again - anyone who does this for a living please DO NOT tell me about the difficulties of the job. Im' sure its tough. I'm sure it doesn't pay millions.... but while i'm fantasizing, please don't burst my happy bubble. I'm thinking of myself as the master trainer who's got plenty of money to not worry about it. I'm thinking of these sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet dolly-phins in looooooooooooooooooooove with me.

Sighhh! How i resent my job. I never get to see dolphins!

5) Be a body peircing artist

This is the sadist in me longing to inflict some pain on humanity. I think i would be a damn good pain-inflictor. In fact I would be so good that I would be painless. I'd be master at peircing eye-brows, nipples, bellybutton and what nots... Wow!!:) Ok enough daydreaming I suppose. Time for me to get back to my mundane work and to my presentation about why women love perfumes; and put away all the expensive samples of designer perfumes that're lying scattered at my desk!:(

Keep smiling always - u never know who's noticing it

Dillemma

2006-12-16T09:00:00.000-08:00

I'm home alone and wondering what to do...

:-)

The weekend

2006-12-10T07:48:00.000-08:00

“Push? Or pull?” I wonder as I stand facing the heavy doors

I needn’t have, for they open magically for us as we approach. We step inside to find ourselves in a small passage way with a counter where we are expected to pay up. The guard has a screen on which he sees the guests outside and that’s how he knows when to open the door

Hmmm… I think. Nice

It is Saturday night and we are at Poison – one of the more popular and up-market discos, where the rich and the restless of the sleepless Bombay descend in their designer minis to boogey the night away

As we pay, muted sound of heavy-duty beats from somewhere inside filters through the second set of doors… and I can feel the energy levels of the place before I have even set my eyes inside…

“Get your stamp, please”, a beefy guard tells us. We extend our hands, and he stamps the mark of the place on the back of each hand

The second set of doors. This one we push; no magic guard here.

A winding staircase that goes down, down, down… There are colored lights on the side and the side-wall is mirrored. I check out my legs. Nice :-)

I’m wondering if the guys below can see my panties if they look up, and fret for just a few moments. Then I decide no need to worry, since the dress ain’t that short, the lights ain’t bright enough…

Noisy. Smoke-filled. Dark. Good fun. First impressions

We’re going down, down, down. The stairs seem to never end. I imagine the disgrace if I tripped now. But nothing of the sort happens. We go down two levels and then we’re there, and i'm transported to another time and place.

So much like Fire n Ice... only so much bigger

A very large dance floor by Bombay standards. And jam packed with people

A huge smoke-filled hall with large factory-style crisscrossing pipes and beams along the ceiling

The music is loud, loud, louuuuud - a techno number, with an indistinct background of some Hindi song. The bass resonates inside my chest… the beat makes my feet tap automatically

Colored lights, disco lights, shiny balls, laser lights – adding to the pulsating effect of the music

Laser lights sweep through the place and bounce of walls making random patterns as they do. I love them

A throng of people – thousands… arms in the air, hips swinging, feet thumping, heads nodding, in sync with the beat… holding cigarettes, beers, handbags, mobile phones… The music is loud, the human hum/ drone louder. The music makes conversation impossible, but look around, everywhere there are people talking and laughing. Everyone looks happy to be here

A high pedestal on which the famous celebrity DJ stands – stooping onto his console/ equalizers – headphones in place, lips syncing the song he plays, right hand scratching a disc, left hand curled into a fist punching the air – once, two times, three times… head nodding…

We push our way through to reach the bar, and get us drinks.

Drinks procured, standing place procured (which is a mini-miracle in itself), now we begin to enjoy the place. I start to take in the place more closely

I see lots of bare backs and low-rise jeans. Not all backs look attractive though

I see diamonds. Lots of them

Flashy handbags

People dressed strangely

A very fat woman wearing very tight jeans and a very flimsy, flowy top that she really shouldn’t have…

A fat, man in mid-40s (why was he here anyway?), smoking a pipe (???!!!!), in a suit and tie and a gigantic Rolex with a scantily clad PYT next to him, swinging her hips and occasionally brushing against his crotch

A very tall and slim woman in a long red dress, with really garish make-up, fake-looking bangs and poker straight hair, flirting with a clearly smitten man. Realization that the lady’s a man in drag actually. Gross

A very nice looking young couple air-kissing while four others in the group cross-talk to each other

A woman screaming something in a man’s ear trying to be heard over the music

A bunch of teenager boys at the bar, asking for their drinks

A very young girl with cigarette in one hand, glass with orange drink in another. Very pretty, and deadpan expression

A group of girls with little skirts doing a little synchronized sequence

The bartender – passing a drink to and blowing a kiss at a girl

* * *

The song changes, the crowd responds with a roar… clearly, a popular number. The beat is super-peppy and fast. The crowd goes mad. It starts fast. And gets faster by the second. The frenzy rises. The light start flashing…

On off on off on off On off on off on off On off on off on off…

Scenes flash around me in those micro-seconds of light – like a movie in slow-motion…

...Arms up in the air

...A couple kissing

...2 sexily dressed women gyrating suggestively

...My friend grinning

...The DJ bending over

...A wrist with a bling bling bracelet

...Hand with beer can

...A rapper

...A starlet

...A baby-face teenage boy

...A hip shake

...A jump

...A man

...A woman

...Everyone

The frenzy builds. And builds…...and builds. A crescendo…

The beat gets faster… and faster. And lights flash faster and faster

I close my eyes and throw back my head. I think I'm smiling. I feel like my head will explode. I feel good

And then with a loud bang, it’s over. The music stops. The lights come back on. The crowd heaves. Many whistle. Some clap. Women say whoooo! A mass climax. Exhilarating, thrilling and satisfying

* * *
And without a break the next song starts. The DJ plays a string of "ok" numbers which allow the tempo to cool a bit, before he dishes out another that ignites the fire of the crowd again. And the madness starts all over again.

And puppets in his hands, we sway the way he wishes us to. We respond the way he desires. We throw our hands in the air when he says throw your hands in the air, and we say ‘yeah’ when he tells us to 'say yeah’…

The ears hurt, and the smoke stings the eyes. The feet hurt. But we aren’t going anywhere yet… the night is young and the music’s high. We’ve paid a pretty little packet for being here and its time to relish the experience

We get another drink, make a trip to the loo to make us comfy and come right back

Tomorrow morning will be a bitch, but then tomorrow is sometime in the future. For now, its time to get back the party and be one with the thousands, and like everyone else - let go

And that’s what at the end of the day it boils down to. That is what makes it all worth it. The long commute, the high entry fee, the discomfort of the senses.

Let go… it feels so good

My room with a view...

2006-11-16T08:35:00.000-08:00

Last morning, 7 am

From between the bars of my room's window

And here is the famous 'barred' window. Every morning, sunlight pours in and falls on my face, making it impossible to sleep till 10 am

Why the bars? Well it's not so much the fear of what could come in from the outside, but the vice versa :-)

Simple truths...

2006-11-02T04:26:00.000-08:00

I am the girl I would be in love with if I were a man.

I'm fussy and spoilt, cry at the drop of a hat and probably have the worst temper in the world. And I love like mad.

I apply mascara on my lashes and balm on mom’s back as expertly, and with equal care and gentleness.

I do many things better than many people.

I do not blend in. Not for long anyway.

I had a happy childhood, a drama-filled teenage and an exciting youth. Just the way it ought to be.

I do have regrets, and I admit I've made mistakes. But I’m in love with those mistakes.

I am what I am because I faltered and learnt my lessons.

I forgive because that makes me stronger.

I do not forget.

I eat fast.

Think faster.

Sleep when absolutely necessary.

I love all things girly and feminine.

I believe in Karma, reincarnation and in love at 1st sight.

I thrive on attention and love.

Sometimes I’m as transparent as glass. Sometimes I don’t let you in on anything.

I like patterns, symmetry, melody and beauty.

I photograph well more often than not.

My curiosity keeps me grounded.

I admire people with passion. I want to be one of them.

I’m healthy, optimistic, stubborn and resilient.

I'm not afraid of the dark, of moths, spiders or of solitude. Loneliness is my only fear.

Sometimes I wish I were boy. A sweaty, dirty, graceless boy.

My rewards and trophies are hard-earned.

I’d trade almost anything for a trip around the world with a friend.

I’m greedy but share willingly.

I watch and learn.

I look within and reflect.

I seek help and directions.

I need and love my friends.

I could have been a princess in my past life.

I think I’m going to love my life till it ends.

I am the girl you could be in love with.

I'm the girl I would be in love with...

Amateur's pride...

2006-10-29T01:54:00.000-08:00

Recent pictures of the Afghan Church from my digicam. A beautiful day put to the most fantastic use.

A sight for sore eyes
Standing tall for 400 years

The steeple. Check out the bird atop.
Sprinkled sunlight... Almost looks haunted, doesn't it?
Come one and all...
Some girl... :-)
Arches that remind me of college...

A Saint rests...

If only inspiration struck every Sunday...

Diwali snapshots

2006-10-23T04:52:00.000-07:00

I like Diwali, but i also feel it's quite boring for anyone over the age of 12. In fact, for the last few years I have been an active Diwali-disliker. Oh never mind the reasons... there's never a dearth of them.

Anyway, this year i decided to use the camera and take pictures through the day and evaluate later how the day had been. Here are the pics... you decide.

Diwali or no Diwali... the day starts with cha. Ma, me, sis - like our mugs heavy and blue. Pa - prefers the ungainly white

My beautiful neighbourhood. Afghan Church - as gorgeous and graceful as ever. Always a delight to behold

Rangoli is mandatory on Diwali, but honestly it's no fun anymore since sis and I no longer fight over it. Guess who did this one... :-)

Another mandatory Diwali-thing... colored lights in the balcony. Everyone seems to have them. And in spite of the lack of coordination/ rhythm, it's all pretty

Another tradition. Like millions of home everywhere, diyas light up ours too. A fire hazard? Yes, but we're brave Indians, remember?

By the evening, one needs to get out of home. So with a few basics, sis and I set out to check out the sights and sounds around Colaba

What did we ever do before cell phones? People say i'm married to mine. I wonder what makes them think like that. I think i'm married to the Internet :-)

And what did we do before coffee shops? The big levelers, the bringer-togethers, the quasi-homes. Seen here - sis (3rd from left, in maroon kurta), and three other strangers. In the foreground - the strap of my beloved green silk potli bag (see prev pic)

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Anyway, so that was what my Diwali was like... a bit of the old, a bit of the new. Overall, an ok Diwali. In spite of being quite tired of the entire rigmarole, I did my bit towards spreading the warmth and love.

Everyone did, i suppose...

Love me, love my dog

2006-10-20T05:52:00.000-07:00

I'd this really scary dream last night.. There was this violent war, and everyone was hiding from someone and snooping on someone else and holding guns and there was firing and bombing and all that. And everyone who was warring was known to me, though I have no idea what the fighting was about.

What I do know that I was really terrified for me and for tasha. I think i was crying in my sleep. Around 5 am then I sort of half-woke up and instinctively reached my arm under the bed where she was sleeping. Reassured and thankful she was there (and safe), I gently squeezed her paw. She whined a bit and moved her face to rest it on my hand. I have no idea what she was dreaming of, but i think she knew it was me and was glad about it too.

And then we both fell asleep like that – me with my arm dangling and holding her paw, and she with her face on my hand

Blissfully unrushed

2006-10-17T07:21:00.000-07:00

A light day workwise, and surprisingly few phone calls from team/ clients. Started the day with words of appreciation from a client i like (not like romantically...but generally. yaknowatimean), and ended by uploadnig some more nice pics on Orkut.

Been humming Tere Bin since morning (not the new film song... this one is a poppish number from like 6-7 yrs ago)...

Copied all of anjie's files to my comp, and cleaned out my comp of the several redundant old files. Spring cleaning fever with Diwali lurking around the corner.

Paid the mess guy his money for three months.. and it didn't pinch at all coz 1. there's not been a lot of eating in office and the bills were an all-time low, and 2. i love my new Hidesign wallet :-)

Got my revenge on K. Woke him up twice with no sympathy whatsoever for his bodily surender to jetlag.

Met S for coffee and chatted about random stuff. Made him feel terrible for uninviting me to his birthday party. Reasons for uninviting... not on the Happiness Journal. :-)

Welcome back K...

2006-10-15T03:36:00.000-07:00

K's back in town for 2 months.

Arrived last night and woke me with a call this morning. He's the only guy in the world i know who can (and does) get away with apologetically yelling into my ear at 7.30 am - WAKE UP BIAATCH!! I"M BACK TO MAKE YOUR LIFE HELL!!!

:-)) Asshole!

And the 1st thought in my mind- oh no no no no!!! Why? Why? Why? Why now? Why now when I'm gonna be snowed under with work... all the way till december!

Counter thought - yipeeeeeeeeee!!! Something to look forward to! I'll make time somehow. With K here - life's gonna be a wild rollercoaster ride! Just strap up and hold on tight!!

Anyway, so he came over at 10 and meet me, mom and the dog. Made me drive him around to the Club and then to the Nofra market where he ate South indian food like it was going out of fashion. :-) I collapsed laughing! And then we drove to Inox where he wanted to check out the Versace showroom (where he looked every bit the US returned wealthy Parsi boy, and I - every bit the designerwear-uninitiated working-girl with definitely no money to buy even a V-sock).

On the way and back, he ranted non-stop about all things Indians, raved about every thing American (and about his apparently-Goddessy-looking-girlfriend) and yelled road instructions in my ear.

By the end of that 1 hr I was ready to hit him. The 2 yrs that I hadn't seen him had simply melted away and it felt like he'd been here all along here.

Why Happiness Journal?

2006-10-15T02:12:00.000-07:00

I'm sure the name Happiness Journal is self explanatory. This is where i write about things small or big, that make me happy. The idea is to write frequently... daily if possible, about anything nice that made me/ makes me happy.

It is a concept I had read about long ago in a Readers' Digest, though for some reason the inspiration to actually start took years. I think somewhere, a realization that negativity seemed to be pouring out of me through my words, actions and body language - spurred me into trying and correcting it. Step 1 therefore - identify daily reasons to be happy. And that's how and that's why - the Happiness Journal.

It is my log of reasons to smile and feel blessed. My savings for a rainy day when the blues strike. And hopefully I would have saved enough to see me smile through those rocky times.

And I'm going to start right away...