For all the times when she has…

…been laughed at for unselfconsciously singing along with her music

…been blamed for loving herself too much

…annoyed mom for being too too engrossed in the book

…stood up for herself and those important to her, and in doing that trodden on important toes, spoken her mind, given it back undiplomatically, and refused to kiss those senior level asses

…bitten more than she could chew, because she wanted a piece of every pie

…spent hours selecting a gift that has not seen the reactions she was hoping for

…spent hours selecting a gift that has seen exactly the reaction she was hoping for

…walked on and on and on because the voices in her head needed that long to die down

…foregone sleep - for a friend in distress, for a friend in love, for a friend getting married and scared stiff, another one walking out of a marriage and scared stiff, for a 3–mile run, for the dog that needed to go pee, for work that someone else ought to have finished, for a chance to dance the night away, for a blog that needed to be updated

…said no and meant no

…said yes and meant yes

…said sorry and meant it


...said nothing and conveyed everything


...thrown caution to the winds and fallen in love knowing it was doomed, stood on the footboard in the train, sneaked out of the house, had another drink

…worked hard at being a good person, fair, always there, a role model

…been reckless with her own body, heart and life

…spent hours dreaming, wishing, hoping, praying – for that one miracle that would not happen (and that did not happen)


...refused to give up in spite of failing again and again and again


...known when to stop


For all the times she has introspected and realized there is little she would do differently given another shot at the same life

For all those times, she has only one question : What other way is there, of living?

Quick update...

It's been a busy last few days. So busy that i have not had the time to report in the Happiness Journal two events of great significance, that happened as many as 9 days ago.

Since pictures are usually worth a thousand words, let me just fall back on one of them to tell you about event no. 1:


This happened a week ago. It's not complete yet...needs shading etc. Yes, it hurt. Quite a bit. Yes, the needle was a new one, thanks for your concern.
The significance you ask? Well...nothing whatsoever to do with Harry Potter. This was to siginify beauty, eternity, strength and resilience. And of course, the magical healing powers that Phoenix tears have.

Now for event no. 2.

Well I don't have a picture to show, though i wish i did. What to do... could just not get the right shot... Neither while Srini slipped the ring on my finger, nor later after i'd gotten used to it being there...

Damn!!

:)

The voice of experience (insomnia?)

So here are a few of the great (but random) truths that i have figured out, entirely on my own in my twenty-something years of conscious thought and turmoil:

1. The truth about Brother-Pairs and Sister-Pairs

Of two sisters, the younger one is more often than not (at least in 4 out 5 cases) the prettier one. Of two brothers, the older one is generally hotter (again, true about 4 in 5 times)

Except in the case of models/ actors. In that case, the rule is flipped. The older sisters are the superbabes (think Karisma-Kareena, Kajol-Tanisha, Malaika-Amrita, Shilpa-Samita, Raima-Riya), and the younger brothers are the hotties (Fardeen-Zayed, Ayaan-Amaan, Arbaaz-Salman, Dino-Santino)

So how does this impact my life? Well... much to my chagrin, i'm the older sister and pretty evidently not a model/ actor, and also not one in lucky 20% that form the exceptions to the rule. Hrrmph!!!

But go on, someone prove me wrong...

2. The truth about Cluttered Desks

Very simple, true at least 99% of the times :

State of your work desk is the state inside your mind. Cluttered desk = cluttered mind & thought-process. Neat, clean desk = a clear head, uncluttered mind.

So my desk in office, is normally pretty (sigh, and they say i'm not girlie!!) and colorful with lots of interesting little things pinned up nicely. Things rarely get thrown away, though the order of things keeps changing. As work piles up; it gets messier and messier for a few days till i can't stand it any longer, and then i launch a de-cluttering exercise and make it super-neat. It stays like that for many days and then the clutter starts building up again.

And i so totally belong to the tribe of mad women who find the spring-cleaning therapeutic.

3. The truth about Desire and Destiny

When you are really, really, really want something very badly, you generally get it. Except when you must not get it, because it's better for you that way.

Basically, something up there, know you, knows what you want, knows what you need, and knows whether to give it to you and when. This someone cares for you. When you're denied something you want with all your heart, it is for one reason only- that it's not good for you.

Of course, you gotta have faith. It's one of those things that you see it when you believe it.

4. The truth about Firsts

The truth is that Firsts... are overrated. Yes, there... i've said it. They are. First kiss... first looove (sheesshh), first-time-you-do-it, first day in school, first day at work, first paycheque, first rank, first day of rain, first blaaahhh... its all so so over-rated.

Except babies. First babies are always super-special, and a biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiig, big deal. Funny isn't it? So powerful these teeeeeny, feeble li'll things really are.

And first pets. They're forever, forever the mostest specialest. Aaawwwwww... (lookin at my stupid Tasha sprawled under my bed, faaaaaaaaast asleep, perhaps happily bumbling about waggy-tailed in doggie-dream-land... :-))

5. The truth about Insomnia

Insomnia makes you wise. It makes you write weird stuff. It makes you realize the truths of the world. It makes you feel all sticky-sweet and mommy-ish about babies...and ramble. And then it freaks you out (both at how much it makes you ramble, and at what a day may be lined up at work the next day) and that forces you to drag yourself to bed.

Hmm. Wonder why i feel this strange force dragging me bedward!!! Yaaaaaaaawwwwwnnn!!!